- King Merriman: Release us now and no harm will come to you... Mostly.
- Queen Tulip: Some light torture probably, but essentially no harm
- Patrick: Look, what happened to your mom sucks. Chastity belts are barbaric. But, according to the law, she gave up her shot at the throne when she broke the rules.
- Sloane: But Merriman broke the rules, too, so what does it matter? Join us. My mother is queen now. She can make you a knight. You can be my boyfriend and if we work as a couple and travel well together, see how cohabitation goes - who knows? You could be king one day.
- Patrick: Do you really feel that way about me? You weren't just using me?
- Sloane: Oh, you weren't even part of my plan. You were a happy accident. I liked hanging out with you.
- [last lines]
- The Old King: [talking to a hand puppet] Thinks he'll put his daddy out to pasture, eh. When I escape this gilded cage, sonny boy's gonna reap the whirlwind. He's gonna enter a hell previously unknown to mankind... I wonder if there are any snickerdoodles left.
- Sloane: [kicking in the door] Hello, Gramps.
- [Sloane's bomb rocks the prison cells]
- King Merriman: Blossom!
- Queen Tulip: Are you all right?
- Princess Blossom: I'm still alive, Mom. Don't make such a big deal out of everything. God.
- [another explosion causes the floor to building to shake even more violently]
- Princess Blossom: Mama!
- Queen Tulip: Sorry, darling. I'm busy not making a big deal out of it.
- Patrick: I can't believe my first real girlfriend turned out to be a criminal mastermind.
- Princess Blossom: Hohoho! Okay, wow. Dating an assassin and didn't even notice. Just another man underestimating a woman's capacity for evil. Jeez.
- King Merriman: Hang in there, Patrick. All women are assassins of one stripe or another. Most of them just kill your dreams.
- Queen Tulip: Excuse me?
- King Merriman: The kid's feeling down, dear. Some light misogyny can be a real pick-me-up.
- [first lines]
- [Patrick and Blossom return from the Minotaur's labyrinth and find the castle's inhabitants butchered]
- Princess Blossom: I've got to find Mom and Dad!
- Patrick: Princess Blossom, wait!
- [they burst into the throne room]
- Princess Blossom: Mom? Daddy!
- Patrick: Princess, please, it's not safe.
- Princess Blossom: Um, no shit, Patrick. That guy has an axe through his face!
- Patrick: We need to get you away from here.
- Princess Blossom: I wonder if, before he died, he had time to think, "Oh, fuck. There's an axe in my face."
- [both scream as burlap bags are dropped over their heads]