Star Wars: The Last Forcebender (2018 Video)

Esemicolonr: Self

Quotes 

• Esemicolonr : Ghost Yoda tells Luke to look past, and I quote, "a pile of old books." Luke points out that they were "the sacred Jedi texts."

  Luke Skywalker : The sacred Jedi texts!

  Esemicolonr : Ghost Yoda responds, and I quote:

  Yoda : Ooh. Fuck that shit!

• Esemicolonr : You know when I saw the original Star Wars trilogy a few years back for the first time I never thought I would see the hero weighing the pros and cons of decapitating his nephew.

• Esemicolonr : [about Holdo]  Admiral "That's no neck, that's a space elevator" decides to stay behind and go down with the cruiser. Ha! Does the Rebellion really have the high-ranking members to spare? I'm no military expert but surely a vice-admiral is a little less expendable than a foot soldier. She *is* a genetic dead-end though, so I guess it's fitting in a Darwinian sense.

• Esemicolonr : What follows is probably the second funniest bit of The Last Jedi, as Snoke narrates his own death.

  Snoke : I see the lightsaber slowly turning. Don't see your fingers on it but... okay? Yes... I... I see it piercing

  [redacted] 

  Snoke : robe-like outfit... and I guess your outfit is like a robe. And then my apprentice ignites his saber! It's blue, now? Hmm... okay. Well, he turns that shit on and slays his *true* enemy!

  [Snoke dies] 

  Esemicolonr : Poor Snoke. Only half the character he could have been.

• Esemicolonr : Wow... Rey was wrong? How is that even possible without the fabric of time and space splitting apart? Oh sh-

  [explosion] 

• Esemicolonr : Poor Poe... how many times is this movie gonna spit in his dashingly handsome face?

  Darth Sidious : All of them.

• Esemicolonr : Master strategist Leia says, and I quote...

  Leia : We have everything we need.

  Esemicolonr : Bitch, you just got your everything decimated times nine! Your Force ain't with you! You and Admiral Paps near got them all blown up a few minutes ago! You lost the father of your child AND your brother in the span of a few days! Your fleet is *gone*, due to your uppity purple bitch refusing to disclose your shit plan!

• Esemicolonr : [about Rey's parents being nobodies]  It's great! Honestly, I loved this reveal. It's just the biggest, most deliberate middle finger to all the fan theories, to anyone who gave a rat's ass about Rey's background. No cool bloodline, no interesting backstory, no connection to the Skywalkers... and Snoke is just some old turd in a bathrobe. I couldn't have let everyone down any better myself.

• Esemicolonr : [about the sorry state of the Rebellion in this movie]  You put all your guys in one place? Wow... fuck you people! I'm rooting for the Space Nazis now... when they put all their people and resources in one place

  [clip of the Starkiller base exploding] 

  Esemicolonr : , it didn't hurt them at all! You can't top that!