The Good Place (TV Series)
Team Cockroach (2017)
Kristen Bell: Eleanor Shellstrop
Photos
Quotes
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Michael : Everyone in the Bad Place Bureau of Human Affairs gets randomly assigned a human body so we can get the feel of how best to torture you. I gotta say, it took me a long time to get used to the hanging bits.
Eleanor Shellstrop : Gross!
Michael : Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, Eleanor. I was talking about my testicles.
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Michael : How do I explain this? I'm basically an exterminator and you're cockroaches. My job was to squish you and poison you and yet, somehow, my very survival now depends on you, the cockroaches, agreeing to help me. That's funny.
Eleanor Shellstrop : We're cockroaches to you?
Michael : Yeah. Or dung beetles. I don't know. Something small and gross that creeps on the ground in its own filth. Just being honest.
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Michael : One of my employees is blackmailing me. Vicky. She runs the clam chowder place in the main square, A Little Bit Chowder Now.
Tahani Al-Jamil : Oh, the place with the-the chowder fountain?
Eleanor Shellstrop : No, that's Pump Up the Clam. A Little Bit Chowder Now has the lazy river of chowder.
[gagging]
Eleanor Shellstrop : How did we ever think this was the Good Place?
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Eleanor Shellstrop : You wanna team up? You've been torturing us and lying about it.
Michael : Oh, let's not get caught up on who lied to whom or which one of us created an entire fake reality in order to cause eternal misery for the others. That's ancient history.
Chidi Anagonye : It was happening until twenty seconds ago.
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Jason Mendoza : Janet, you're not gonna rat us out, right?
Janet : Well, Jason, I've been thinking about this a lot over the last one and a third milliseconds. I'm not allowed to lie, but my purpose is to make humans happy. And since you're the only actual humans here, I'm on board for whatever fun little schemes you guys come up with.
Eleanor Shellstrop : Okay. Bring it in. Team huddle. The Bad Place is about to be outsmarted by a cowardly traitor, four dum-dums, and a robot.
Janet : Not a robot.
Eleanor Shellstrop : We can do this.
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Michael : I'm an immortal being with abilities you can only dream...
Eleanor Shellstrop : Yeah and we're an Arizona dirtbag, a human turtleneck, a narcissistic monster, and literally the dumbest person I've ever met.
Jason Mendoza : And who am I? Describe me now!
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Michael : We're running out of time, and I'm your only option.
Eleanor Shellstrop : A lot of guys your age said that to me just as the bar was about to close. But I never settled for them. Because my ex-boyfriend lived nearby, he was obsessed with me and he never slept because he was addicted to Adderall. There is always another option.
