The Orville (TV Series)
New Dimensions (2017)
Seth MacFarlane: Capt. Ed Mercer
Photos
Quotes
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Capt. Ed Mercer : Kelly, he fed a guy to another guy - that's not something a department head does.
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Captain Horbalak : What do you want?
Capt. Ed Mercer : Your course is about to take your directly into the path of a spatial anomaly we discovered. We recommend you change your heading immediately.
Captain Horbalak : Ga'rov ka'lougah!
[phonetic spelling]
Capt. Ed Mercer : Anybody speak Horbalak?
Isaac : Thee direct translation is: "You can shove it up your - "
Capt. Ed Mercer : Okay, got it, got it.
Isaac : Do you wish to hear the rest of the translation?
Capt. Ed Mercer : No, no, I-I get the gist. Listen - what's your name?
[to the Horbalak captain]
Captain Horbalak : Blavvahrahg.
[phonetic spelling]
Lt. Gordon Malloy : God that generation has so many Blavvahrahgs.
[phonetic spelling]
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Capt. Ed Mercer : This is already the worst apology ever.
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Dr. Claire Finn : Two-dimensional life forms? How is that possible?
Capt. Ed Mercer : Is there any way we can communicate with them?
Isaac : Negative. Our modes of existence are incompatible.
Capt. Ed Mercer : Then get every bit of scanning data you can. Union physicists will be writing papers about this for decades.
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson : Well, if we can't talk to them, at least we can watch.
Lt. Gordon Malloy : Wait, so, does that mean that there could be fourth- or fifth-dimensional people watching us right now?
Isaac : It is possible.
Lt. Gordon Malloy : But do you think... I mean, they wouldn't, like... watch us all the time, right?
Isaac : I do not know.
Lt. Gordon Malloy : I mean, do you think, like, could they see under a blanket, or... in the s-sleeve of a down coat?
Capt. Ed Mercer : Gordon, I don't know what you're driving at, but I'm gonna go ahead and change the subject.
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Capt. Ed Mercer : What the hell just happened?
Lt. Gordon Malloy : I have no idea. Maybe we hit a squirrel or something.
Isaac : There is no evidence of any sciuromorpha rodentia, or other mid-sized rodent.
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Lt. John LaMarr : I think we could create a stable quantum bubble inside the shuttle and preserve three dimensional space.
Dr. Claire Finn : So the outside would be squashed but the inside wouldn't.
Capt. Ed Mercer : More space inside then out. Like Dr. Who's phone booth.
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson : Or Oscar the Grouch's can.
Lt. John LaMarr : Or Snoopy's dog house. Yeah.
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Isaac : We are currently analyzing the scans of the quantum wake.
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson : And there's no explanation for the dead plants?
Lt. John LaMarr : We're cross-referencing the bioscans of the plants with what we know about the anomaly, which, right now, isn't much.
Capt. Ed Mercer : They've been watered, right? Like, do we have a... a plant guy?
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson : Palovis. He's the lizard-looking guy in the science section.
Capt. Ed Mercer : Is that his name? God, I can never remember that guy's name. I-I see him coming in the hall, and he's always like "Hey, good morning, Captain", and I'm always like "Hey, there he is."
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Capt. Ed Mercer : Yaphit, what are you doing here?
Yaphit : I have a grievance.
Capt. Ed Mercer : How'd you get into my office?
Yaphit : I'm gel.
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Yaphit : I want to know why you guys put John in charge of the science team instead of me.
Capt. Ed Mercer : Commander Grayson and I both feel that Lieutenant LaMarr deserves to be in the running for chief engineer.
Yaphit : What? You gotta be kidding me. What the hell has that son of a bitch ever done to deserve...
Capt. Ed Mercer : No final decisions have been made, and I am aware that you're next in line for the job, but we have our reasons for considering him.
Yaphit : It's 'cause I'm gelatinous, isn't it? You guys can't handle the thought of a gelatinous person in charge of a department.
Capt. Ed Mercer : Yaphit, that's not it.
Yaphit : This is so racist, man. You're so friggin' racist.
Capt. Ed Mercer : I am not. I have several gelatinous friends.
Yaphit : This is a bunch of crap, man. This is total crap. Permission to return to duty.
Capt. Ed Mercer : Granted.
Yaphit : [stopping at the door] You know what? There was less crap in Bortus' colon.
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Capt. Ed Mercer : They've been watered right? Like do we have a plant guy?
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Capt. Ed Mercer : What, are we in a Jane Austen novel?
