- Christy: I'm not sure about applying to Stanford. If I do it, I'll have to be tortured for months to find out if I'm accepted or not. If not, then I'll be crushed, and if I get accepted, holy crap, I'll have to go to Stanford.
- Bonnie: Okay, can we pause for a minute to reflect on what your life was like this time 5 years ago? Back then your biggest problem was trying to give an adequate lap dance to a fat guy... now, you're going applying to law schools!
- Jill Kendall: [having a breakdown at her heaviest weight] If you loved me, you would've said something before I got like this!
- Bonnie: We thought you knew.
- Christy: And we thought you were okay with it, you were always bragging about all these guys you were with...
- Jill Kendall: [sobbing] I lied! The only men that come near me are Little Caesar and Papa Johns!
- Jill Kendall: [on Skype] I'm in a limousine right outside Tuscon, Arizona.
- Bonnie: Ooh, I love Arizona, they sell fireworks in grocery stores.
- [later as they're waving goodbye]
- Bonnie: Bring me back some Roman candles!
- Bonnie: [Christy needs $200 per law school application] What if we cut back on some of our extravagances?
- Christy: What extravagances? Yesterday I had to sew up a poorly located hole in my underwear!
- Bonnie: Well, what about those fancy crackers you get?
- Christy: I told you before, Ritz crackers are *not* fancy, you're just confused by the name.
- Marjorie: Jill, you have this hole inside of you that's always been there, and there's nothing you can drink or buy or sleep with that can fill it. You have to dig deep down inside of you to find out what's missing.
- Bonnie: What's our biggest expense?
- Christy: Probably cable and internet.
- Bonnie: We're not stealing other people's cable? What's wrong with us?
- Christy: We became better people, which is very expensive.
- Bonnie: Alright then... let's cut the cable and internet for a few months.
- Christy: You'd really be willing to do that?
- [hugs Bonnie]
- Christy: Thank you, now I can apply to *all* of them!
- Christy: What's wrong, Jill?
- Jill Kendall: [sobbing] I've been shopping here for 20 years, and nothing fits me anymore.
- Christy: Maybe you just need to try a larger size.
- Jill Kendall: There IS no larger size! Even the socks are a little snug!
- Jill Kendall: I need to do something new because what I've been doing ain't working. I've just been doing the same thing over and over with the drinking, and the drugging, and all the men...
- Bonnie: And the soft serve machine.
- [Christy glares at her]
- Bonnie: What? I'm pretty sure it played *some* part in this.