Paranormal Retreat 2-the Woods Witch (2016) Poster

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What are you looking at?
nogodnomasters20 August 2017
Warning: Spoilers
I didn't see the original film which was mostly rated one star by Amazon reviewers. This did not in any way deter a sequel nor did the film makers pay any attention to the reviewers, nor invest whatever they made from the first film in making a quality product. You have to admire their independent spirit...certainly more than their film.

Jerry Burkhead gets a lead to find his fiancée Madam Della, whose name is always mentioned and never spoken about using a pronoun. She also co-wrote the script, something I would never take the credit even if I had done it. The film opens with a shaky camera, some 50's horror music and a child whispering something that sounds like "code eat me" and other times "don't leave me." The actual film lasts about 50 minutes with the first 40 minutes as set up. A mental health facility is charmingly named a "funny farm." JB eventually returns to the scene of the crime and ventures into the woods to give us some more bad black and white shots of the ground and eventually people dressed up in sheets with plain white masks, not even Guy Fawkes which could have lead to an interesting international third film involving witch craft and hacked e-mails.

There is 5 minutes of the first film at the end plus about 10 minutes of credits of a film which is in total 66 minutes, which is actually good news because in 66 minutes you can get a punch on your hacker's card instead of the normal 86 minutes. It is like getting 20 minutes of your life back.

What is bad about this film is that it encourages anyone with a camera to make a film and try to market it. People will see this film and say, "I can do better than that with my eyes closed"...which BTW is the best way to watch this film.

The film states that if you know any of the people in the film to contact your local police...most likely because creating a film like this is a crime. Then it goes on to say this film is a reproduction of real found footage...which would mean NOT the people in the film. Anyway, I turned in the name of Jerry Burkhead and Madam Della to the Pennsylvania Attorney General's office who robbed me of the cost of a rental plus 66 minutes of my life.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity
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