- Tahani Al-Jamil: I knew tonight was going to be perfect, and now it's going to be even perfecter. Obviously, it's impossible for something to be more perfect than perfect.
- Michael: Well, it isn't, actually. Any place or thing in the universe can be up to 104% perfect. That's how you got Beyonce.
- Eleanor Shellstrop: Dude, Chidi is giving you a lifeline right now, and you need to take it because you suck.
- Jason Mendoza: [indignant] You suck!
- Eleanor Shellstrop: I know! That's what I'm trying to tell you. We both suck. You know who doesn't suck? Chidi. He is putting himself in danger to help us, because he, unlike us, is an amazing person.
- Jason Mendoza: I didn't get into Heaven to go to school.
- Eleanor Shellstrop: You didn't get into Heaven at all, shirt-for-brains.
- Jason Mendoza: I just want to be myself.
- Eleanor Shellstrop: That's a very, very bad idea. Do not be yourself. You need to be a better version of yourself, okay? And I do, too. And our only hope right now is this kind, selfless, amazing nerd. Think about that.
- Chidi Anagonye: Do you have to call me a nerd so much?
- Eleanor Shellstrop: I said a lot of other nice things, okay? Toughen up, nerd.
- Chidi Anagonye: I can't believe I'm doing this, but... Jason, please come to my classroom. I will teach you ethics, like I'm doing with Eleanor. And if you work hard and absorb the material, you just might be able to earn your place here.
- [thoughtful pause]
- Jason Mendoza: Nah, I'm good.
- Jianyu Li: When I say I am meditating, I am just trying to figure out what the fork is happening. I think we might be in an alien zoo or on a prank show.
- Eleanor Shellstrop: No, Jianyu, we are dead.