"Rick and Morty" The Rickchurian Mortydate (TV Episode 2017) Poster

Justin Roiland: Rick Sanchez, Morty Smith

Photos 

Quotes 

  • Rick Sanchez : I'm Doctor Who in this mother fucker! I could be a clone. I could be a hologram. We could be clones controlled by robots controlled with special headsets that the real Rick and Morty are wearing while they're fucking your mother!

    The President : I'm going to kill you!

    Rick Sanchez : Then come to Olive Street!

    The President : Is that her address?

    Rick Sanchez : You don't know because you're a bad son!

  • [Rick & Morty arrive at the White House via portal. Rick is still holding his martini he was drinking at home] 

    Morty Smith : [greeting the president and shaking his hand]  Mr. President.

    The President : It's about time, gentlemen. Rick, do you need to drink in here?

    Rick Sanchez : Yes.

  • The President : You committed murder in the Oval Office. Now you can't leave.

    Rick Sanchez : That's fine. I said I'm not leaving without a selfie.

    Morty Smith : Uh, I don't need a selfie.

    The President : And I'm saying you aren't getting one, and you aren't leaving

    Rick Sanchez : So we agree?

    The President : Yes. No! We disagree. Because you think you're getting a selfie and leaving.

    Rick Sanchez : Am I getting a selfie?

    The President : Never!

    Rick Sanchez : Then I'm never leaving.

    The President : Exactly.

    Rick Sanchez : See?

  • Morty Smith : You mean you've been ordering other people to prepare for it while you were sitting on your ass at peace summits.

    The President : Peace summits are important!

    Morty Smith : Oh yeah! They work great. We're really drowning in peace. You suck!

  • The President : Okay, what was that?

    Rick Sanchez : Death.

    The President : What kind?

    Rick Sanchez : Instant.

    The President : There was no sound! He just died!

    Rick Sanchez : Yeah, terrifying. It's a terrifying thing to watch happen. It's called a deterrent.

    Secret Service Agent : You couldn't just knock him out?

    Rick Sanchez : How is 'knocking out' a deterrent? Everyone wants to be knocked out. Nobody wants to be dead.

  • [Beth calls Rick in a knockoff "Star Wars" cantina] 

    Rick Sanchez : I-I can't talk now, sweetie.

    Beth Smith : Oh, when can you?

    Rick Sanchez : Good point.

    [burps] 

    Rick Sanchez : What's up?

    Beth Smith : Remember a little while ago when you said that, if I wanted, I could, like, leave Earth and wander the infinite cosmos to figure out who I am and that nobody would ever know I'd left because you could replace me with a clone?

    Rick Sanchez : Mm-hmm.

    Beth Smith : Am I the clone?

    Rick Sanchez : Sorry. What?

    Beth Smith : Am I the clone? Did the real me choose to leave, and I only think I chose to stay because that's what I need to think because I'm the replacement Beth?

    Rick Sanchez : [noncommittal]  No.

    Beth Smith : Okay. And one more thing. If I were a clone, would you tell me?

    Rick Sanchez : [sighs]  Beth, you know, when... When smart people get happy, they stop recognizing themselves. And you are very smart because you're very much my daughter.

    Beth Smith : Oh, God. You're right. I'm sorry. Thank you, Dad.

    Rick Sanchez : All good?

    Beth Smith : Totally. I'm fine now.

    Rick Sanchez : And just to be sure, you're not pretending to be convinced you're real because you're actually convinced you're a clone and you're now terrified that becoming self-aware would mean I'd have to terminate you?

    Beth Smith : [noncommittal]  No.

    Rick Sanchez : Okay. Glad I could help. See you soon.

    [Rick hangs up] 

    Beth Smith : [breathing heavily]  Aaaaaah!

  • [a portal opens in the Oval Office and Rick Sanchez steps through in fly-fishing gear] 

    Rick Sanchez : Hi, Mr. President. I'm Rick Sanchez, but not the one that did this. We Ricks travel the infinite and switch places with each other like hermit crabs, I think. I'm "Fly-fishing Rick". You can distinguish me from the Rick that you had a falling-out with by my fly-fishing enthusiasm and accompanying hat. I hope I can be of service if, uh, you ever find the planet to be in danger. Friends?

    The President : [cautiously]  Sounds good to me.

  • The President : Task Force Alpha, prepare to shrink!

    Rick Sanchez : Is there a Task Force Alpha health plan, by the way? Because if those pills are based on subatomic compression, you could get a more curable cancer just walking through the mushroom clouds.

    The President : [snatches pill away]  GODDAMN IT, I'LL DO IT!

    [the President takes the pill and then his body begins shrinking] 

    The President : [voice rising in pitch as he shrinks]  Task Force Alpha is disbanded. And you two aren't American anymore! I can say that. You're expatriated! If you step foot on homeland soil again, I'll treat it as an invasion. Is this supposed to be painful?

    Morty Smith : Painful to watch.

    Rick Sanchez : Oh, such lame shrinking.

    Morty Smith : Oh, his clothes stay the same size? '70s shrinking, party of one!

    The President : [now miniscule]  EAT MY SHRINKING ASS!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs


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