The Good Catholic (2017)

Zachary Spicer: Daniel

Quotes 

• Jane : I get it, but in different circumstances we're totally dating right now.

  Daniel : No. No, I... No.

  Jane : Wow, Father, you really know how to make a girl feel special.

  Daniel : No, I mean, uh, eh, ooo, uh, this isn't... I-I-I... We're... I... I wouldn't say that... that... I mean, we're not. W... I-I-I-I'm not, you know?

  Jane : No, I don't, but I'd be happy to give feedback if you feel compelled to articulate an entire thought.

  Daniel : I am committed to God. Th-th-that means that any, um... um, emotional connection..,. uh, that is... other than friendship - which, which is what I think that we have, uh, friendship. You know, a really strong... But, ah, anything MORE than that is obviously, uh, not allowed. I mean, it goes against everything, uh... everything - heh-heh-heh - that I am, so...

  Jane : How do you expect to get laid if you keep saying that kind of stuff?

  [Daniel exhales] 

  Jane : That was a joke. Relax.

  Daniel : Well, you're probably going to hell because of it, so I really hope it was worth it.

  [look of shock and disbelief] 

  Daniel : I really can't tell jokes, can I?

• Ollie : [sitting in a car with Daniel after giving a dead man last rites]  It's awfully easy to forget, but... we are pretty damn lucky to be able to do what we do.

  Daniel : Priests?

  Ollie : Humans.

• Daniel : I'm not going anywhere.

  Jane : Yeah, well, you're not the one I'm worried about. I'm not crazy, in case you were wondering. I mean, yeah, but no, not really. It started off as a joke, but just saying it, "I'm dying, finite," it gave things a sense of urgency; and, sometimes it doesn't work - well, most of the time - but there are days, if I really let myself buy into it, where I can actually see the beauty of how little time we really have... and lately, that only seems to be happening when I'm with you.

• Ollie : Look, you gotta... you gotta find something of your own, something selfish and stupid and... human; otherwise, you just might wind up like Victor.

  Daniel : What's wrong with that?

  Ollie : He wears his collar to Target. I mean he literally puts on his collar to buy Honey Nut Cheerios and toilet paper.

• Victor : What's going on here? What is it?

  Daniel : I met someone.

  Victor : You met someone?

  Daniel : Yes.

  Victor : What does that mean?

  Daniel : A person. I met a person. There was a person, and I met her.

  Victor : Her?

  Daniel : Yes.

  Victor : Hmm. I see. So it wasn't just someone you met. You... you met HER, a... FEMALE someone.

  Daniel : I didn't do anything, Father.

  Victor : No one says you did.

  Daniel : Because I didn't.

  Victor : Okay.

  Daniel : So it doesn't matter if it was a female someone or a "her" if I didn't do anything, which I didn't, so it doesn't... matter.

  Victor : Great.

  Daniel : Terrific.

  Victor : Glory be.

  [starts walking away] 

  Daniel : I didn't do anything, Father.

  Victor : Well, that's between you and God now, isn't it?

• Jane : But you did really sell the whole humorless, stodgy priest thing there.

  Daniel : Yeah, we work on it in seminary, for years. Yeah, that and thurible swinging.

  Jane : Thurible swinging?

  Daniel : Yeah.

  Jane : Sounds dirty.

  Daniel : Uh, well, I mean...

  Jane : Sorry. It's late, you're cute, I'm human.

  Daniel : Can I... ask you a question?

  Jane : Maybe.

  Jane : The whole dying thing?

  Jane : No.

  Daniel : What?

  Jane : Let's not.

  Daniel : Come on.

  Jane : You've got off-limits, you know, stuff, so do I.

  Daniel : Well, we both know that you're not...

  Jane : Daniel.

  Daniel : I mean, you don't even look sick, like, at all.

  Jane : It's late. I should go inside.

  Daniel : Jane...

  Jane : Thanks for walking me home.

  Daniel : I-I-I-I-I didn't mean to... It's just... I don't know why we have to keep up with the, you know, charade.

  Jane : Charade?

  Daniel : No, that's not what I... I... I-I just mean... eh-eh-eh-eh, y-you don't... I mean, you look...

  Jane : How?

  Daniel : What?

  Jane : How do I look?

  Daniel : Well, no, I... I... I just...

  Jane : I don't look frail...

  [walking towards him, getting closer, while he's backing up] 

  Jane : helpless? I seem a bit too healthy? Well, I guess that's a testament to my formidable spirit.

  [whispering in his ear] 

  Jane : Good night, friend.

  [kisses him on the cheek] 

  Jane : [left to himself, thinking, stunned. voice over of a man singing Amazing Grace] 

• Daniel : She is... fun. Great. Fun and great.

  Victor : "She?"

  Daniel : She. Yes. She's a she. Jane is her name. It's a female name, uh, which she has because she's a girl. Woman.

  Ollie : Well, to be clear, uh... I'm definitely available for this dinner now.

• Jane : This is St. Martin's, right?

  Daniel : Mark's.

  Jane : I'm Jane.

  Daniel : No, it's St. Marks, the church?

  Jane : I'm still Jane, the person.

• Jane : Now, Daniel.

  Daniel : Mm-hm.

  Jane : My child.

  Daniel : Mm-hm.

  Jane : My lamb. My lamb chop child. Unburden yourself.

• Jane : [in confessional]  Aren't you supposed to, like, ask me for a sin list and call me a child or a lamb or some shit? Thing. Something. Sorry.

  Daniel : It's your first time?

  Jane : How did you guess?

• Daniel : I don't see God. I don't think I ever have.

• Victor : Have you been reading much John lately?

  Daniel : Yeah. Well, I... I'm a little bit more of a Ringo man myself, but...

• Daniel : When do they put makeup on Jesus?

  Jane : Have you looked at any of the crucifixes where he's got, like, blush on and some eyeliner?

  Daniel : [laughs]  It's hot in the sun.

  Jane : Um, no. They're making him look pretty. He looks like a woman in some of those, which is not all that weird because, you know, maybe... , who knows?

• Daniel : ...if God ever does show up, I... I don't want to miss it.

• Daniel : Well, the Catholic Church has never shied away from a little pageantry.

  Ollie : Yeah. I've seen the crucifix.