Mom (TV Series)

Dirty Money and a Woman Named Mike (2015)

Allison Janney: Bonnie Plunkett

Quotes 

• Bonnie : Did they have vending machines where you were locked up?

  Marjorie : No. There was this woman named Mike, she could get you anything you wanted, but you had to let her do things that made her feel like her name was Mike.

• Bonnie : I'll never forget my first night in prison, scared to DEATH.

  Marjorie : When'd you finally relax?

  Bonnie : I never did, I stayed scared the whole time. Did you gang up?

  Marjorie : Didn't have to. The first day in I went up to the biggest bull out in the yard and beat the crap out of her with my shoe.

  Bonnie : Really? Wow...

  [offers her candy] 

  Bonnie : Snickers bar?

• Marjorie : You guys will never believe this. We're outside and can't find a parking space, Regina says this little prayer, suddenly an SUV pulls out right in front of the restaurant, with time left on the meter.

  Regina : Ask and ye shall receive. Thank you, Jesus.

  Bonnie : Let me get this straight, there's war, disease and hunger, but God has time to find you a parking space?

  Regina : With time on the meter, thank you, Jesus!

• Bonnie : Let me get this straight. You got released from prison three years early, you've been out for two days, you already have a great job and you're living rent free in a mansion with a tennis court?

  Jill Kendall : Two, one grass, one clay.

  Regina : And get this... Jill's letting me drive her old Range Rover.

  Jill Kendall : It's a 2013, the GPS is all messed up.

  Bonnie : [the women look at each other, cut to all of them in Regina's church clapping and singing]  When can I start asking for stuff?

• Bonnie : Why did You take Alvin away?

  Jesus : It was his time.

  Bonnie : What does that even mean?

  Jesus : He had to repair things with you and Christy. He did. Now it's on you.

  Bonnie : What's that supposed to mean?

  Jesus : You still have things to repair with Christy, and Violet, and Roscoe, and... oops, I almost gave something away.

  Bonnie : When does it stop hurting?

  Jesus : When you wake up.

  [wakes up, gets a look of tranquility on her face, turns over and curls up beside Christy] 

• Bonnie : Do you think she has a wife by now?

  Marjorie : It's prison, not a prison *movie*. I think she's probably banging a guard.

• Marjorie : Can I just visit with a friend?

  Bonnie : No, talk.

  Marjorie : Can I have a sip of coffee first?

  Bonnie : No, you have a tiny bladder, talk!

• Marjorie : Nobody is happier than I am that Regina is free and I'm happy for her that she has found religion.

  Bonnie : But?

  Marjorie : But if I have to live with her for one more day, I'm going to rip her throat out.

  Bonnie : I knew it!

  Marjorie : All day long she's just 'God loves me!', 'God forgives me!' she's more tiring than the chemo.

  Bonnie : So you want an alibi.

  Marjorie : I want her to come live with you.

  Bonnie : So *I* need an alibi. Why don't you just pray for God to take Regina away?

  Marjorie : I tried, it didn't work.

• Christy : YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!

  Regina : Christy, what did you do?

  Christy : I... lost it all, on gambling.

  Bonnie : Christy, you didn't!

  Christy : I am so sorry, Regina.

  Regina : Well... you know what? Hallelujah!

  Christy : Halle-what?