Last Tango in Halifax (TV Series)

Episode #3.1 (2014)

Derek Jacobi: Alan

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Celia tells Alan that Caroline and Kate are going to get married now that Kate is expecting a baby] 

  Celia : It's for the baby - so it's all official. I said "Will you be the father?" She didn't like that. They're *both* going to be mums. It'll get very confused.

  Alan : Will it 'eck!

  Celia : No. I suppose one black one and one white one - it'll soon know its colours.

• [first lines] 

  Alan : [at a posh restaurant]  Oh! I remember it now.

  Celia : Oh, go on.

  Alan : So, there's this, uh, fella, um, he's buying this face cream.

  Celia : Yeah?

  Alan : And he says to woman behind counter, This stuff's marvelous. I've only been using it a few weeks. You'll never guess how old I am. And she says, Oh, 36? He says, No! I'm 47. And she goes, Oh, that's wonderful! I must try some of that meself. Anyway, next off he goes on to post office, and he gets chatting to fellow behind counter and he says, You wanna try some of this face cream I've been using. You'll never guess how old I am. And the fellow behind the counter says, Oh, er, 35. He says, No, I'm 47. The fellow behind counter says, Oh, that's wonderful! I'll have to get some of that meself. And he's just leaving post office, and he bumps into this little old lady.

  Celia : Oh, aye?

  Alan : And he says to her, I bet you can't guess how old I am. And she says, Well, I probably can, but I'm just going to have to put me hand down the front of your trousers. And he's like, Ooh, okay. So, she puts her hand down inside his trousers and does a bit of a... rummage around, and then, after two or three minutes, she says, "You're 47." and he says, Good Lord! How do you know? How can you tell? And she says, I was stood behind you in chemist.

• Alan : [about to borrow the Land Rover]  So, you gonna to be all right without this for an hour or two?

  Gillian : Yeah, like I say, I've a ewe to take to the vet. So long as you don't mind me wedging her in passenger seat. Celia?

  Alan : [looking at the Lexus]  Yeah, we could probably get, uh, two more on back seat, back shelf as well.

  Gillian : Yeah, I'll lay a bit of straw down and then, you know, it won't make so much mess.

  Alan : Yeah!

  Celia : Yeah, you're both so funny.