- Lucas Friar: [opens a wrapped up package] "Get-out-of-detention-free."
- Maya Hart: Oh, I could use one of those! Give me that, and I won't call you Ranger Rick all week.
- Lucas Friar: Here you go.
- [does not hesitate to give Maya the card]
- Maya Hart: Thanks, Ranger Roy.
- Lucas Friar: Let me guess. Ranger Roy is filling in for Ranger Rick?
- Maya Hart: All week. And now, you...
- [looks at Cory]
- Cory Matthews: Oh, something gonna happen to me?
- Maya Hart: Yes, it is.
- [starts humming while climbing onto Cory's desk and starts dancing on it]
- Maya Hart: Detentioooon! Not today, boom!
- Cory Matthews: Read the card.
- Maya Hart: Huh?
- Cory Matthews: Card.
- Maya Hart: [reads it] "Say 'get-out-of-detention-free', then give worthless card to Maya, then watch her dance on my desk."
- [Cory shows Maya off his desk. She climbs down, finding her seat]
- Cory Matthews: Never assume. Look more deeply. Just because something is wrapped up all pretty, doesn't always mean it is.
- Maya Hart: [to Lucas] You were in on this!
- Lucas Friar: I'm Ranger Roy, and I'll be here all week.
- [pretends to greet her with an imaginary cowboy hat. Maya shudders, knowing she got burned]
- Topanga Matthews: Auggie, I assumed you guys broke up!
- Riley Matthews: Oh, Mom, you should never assume. Didn't Dad teach you that?
- Maya Hart: Yeah, don't you get the home versions of these lessons? You're married to the guy.
- Topanga Matthews: Oh, of course I do! There's just so many of them.
- [pauses briefly, then looks terrified]
- Topanga Matthews: Oh no, I married Feeny!
- Farkle Minkus: The nation of Troy was charmed by a beautiful wooden horse. They neglected it considering what was inside. And they lost everything, because of outer beauty. Don't be fooled by a pretty wrapper. I mean, who keeps the wrapping paper?
- Riley Matthews: I wear ribbons.
- Farkle Minkus: Okay... And our concluding statement will be made by Lucas Friar.
- Lucas Friar: There can be absolutely no debate that the quest for outer beauty at the expense of one's inner self is the road of personal destruction. People make assumptions. I've been labelled a jock and a cowboy. And this is from my friends. But here is a little secret: I like school, and I do pretty well. You might look at me and assume, "baseball player." I look at me, and I know, "I better get good grades." Because what's on the inside has to be more important than what's on the outside. To get into a good college and into a good life. Because beauty is not skin deep. Thank you.
- Smackle: [in "Valley girl" accent] Oh my gosh, I'm like so internally unprepared and scared.
- Academic Bottom Half: We finally got her.
- Smackle: Maybe that's what you would assume I would say, considering the effort I've put into my appearance.
- Academic Top Half: Uh-oh.
- Smackle: I'm here to argue today that beauty actually is "skin deep." So I've done some research, and I've learned that it is. When you get compliments from people who don't ordinarily compliment you. When people look at you differently. Packaging does matter. I wasn't pretty, then I was. This is a world where "pretty" seems better somehow. Which is too bad, but it's not debatable. However, I also learned that if you get swept up about what you are on the outside, you can lose who you are on the inside. Even though it is easy to be fooled by the beauty of the Trojan Horse, its real power comes from the army within. Intelligence, compassion, integrity, courage. That army is the real you. No matter what you look like. So, even though beauty may be skin deep, beauty is nowhere near as important as the army inside. And I'll try not to forget that.
- [she puts on her glasses]
- Smackle: Wow, look at all of you. You're all very deeply beautiful. Especially you, Farkle. Thank you.
- Maya Hart: [about Smackle] She was using you to make Farkle jealous.
- Lucas Friar: Wow. That's a new one.
- Cory Matthews: And now, from Einstein Academy, undefeated this season, 72 pounds of raw intellectual power. She is "who your mama wishes she gave birth to..." The one, the only Smackle!