- Violet Crosby: I've been looking for my very own Freddie or Stuart my whole life.
- Freddie Thornhill: Oh, Vi... please don't compare your filthy relationships with ours.
- Penelope: [complimented by Freddie] What a lovely thing to say!
- Freddie Thornhill: And I truly meant it, Penelope. Even though you're a huge slag.
- Stuart Bixby: [to Freddie] Look, you and I had just met! Penelope was single! And it was only one night...
- Penelope: TWO nights!
- Stuart Bixby: ...Why is your memory so vivid all of a sudden?
- Violet Crosby: Well I've got a good question. Tell us Stuart, have you ever had sex with a woman?
- Freddie Thornhill: [laughs] Sex with a woman? How could he ever accomplish that? A team of scientists working around the clock couldn't devise a pill strong enough to make that happen.
- Stuart Bixby: Can I change my go to dare?
- Violet Crosby: No. You have to answer the question.
- Freddie Thornhill: What the hell are you stalling for, Stuart? The only woman you ever shared a bed with was your mother until you were thirteen. I'll answer it for him, No!
- Stuart Bixby: Yes! I have!
- Freddie Thornhill: I don't believe you.
- Stuart Bixby: It's true!
- Freddie Thornhill: You're lying!
- Penelope: No, he isn't.
- [everyone stares]
- Ash Weston: Well, since then, you've kind of become my family and I wanted to say thank you somehow. So, I was hoping you'd let me cook Christmas dinner tomorrow.
- Stuart Bixby: Oh, that's not necessary Ash, and anyway I usually cook a special...
- Ash Weston: Please, Stuart, it would mean a lot to me.
- Freddie Thornhill: Oh, let him do it. It couldn't be any worse than the war crimes you commit every year in that kitchen.
- Violet Crosby: Well I think a game is a fantastic idea. What about strip poker?
- Freddie Thornhill: Oh, no, thank you. There's not one body part in this room that ever needs to be seen in daylight again.
- Violet Crosby: [looks at Ash] Well, maybe one body part...