- Cameron Tucker: [about his grandmother] We've never told Grams about the gay. After a certain age, you never know if something you say will set them over the edge, and she's been on the edge for a long time. We're actually on death bed number two.
- Phil Dunphy: Who says the people at the closet convention have all the fun?
- Luke Dunphy: No one. No one says that.
- Alex Dunphy: Will you get her off me? I'm getting dumber through osmosis.
- Haley Dunphy: I don't have osmosis.
- Jay Pritchett: ClosetCon is the premiere trade show in North America for the closet industry. I stopped going years ago because it's a trade show for the closet industry.
- Cameron Tucker: She even agreed to attend the wedding.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Standing outside with a sign.
- Cameron Tucker: Baby steps.
- Phil Dunphy: [about Jay's Apollo 13 model] Look at the detail. You can almost see the astronauts drinking teeny-tiny Tang.
- Cameron Tucker: What if I told you that I'm in love with this man right here?
- Grams: Then I know why God sent us this tornado.
- Frank Dunphy: [over video chat] I'm gonna tap a button now that's either gonna make you larger on my screen or-
- [screen goes black]