- Arthur Jeffries: Can I ask you a question?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, sure.
- Arthur Jeffries: Why do you put up with Sheldon?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, um, you know. Because we're friends.
- Arthur Jeffries: Why?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Wow. You ask really hard questions. Look, I know he can be aggravating, but you have to remember he's not doing it on purpose. It's just how he is. Oh, but he's also loyal, and trustworthy and we have fun together.
- Arthur Jeffries: You know, you're describing a dog.
- Leonard Hofstadter: He did bite me once. But in his defense I came up behind him while he was eating.
- Arthur Jeffries: They hate that.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You, know what. Sheldon is the smartest person I've ever met. He's a little broke and he needs me. I guess I need him too.
- Arthur Jeffries: Why's that?
- Leonard Hofstadter: You will not let this go.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [about Raj and Howard] They're gonna have sex before Sheldon and I do. I knew it!
- Sheldon Cooper: Because it's just so happens I'm also spending the day with a beloved children television science personality. Isn't that right new friend and colleague, Bill Nye, the Science Guy? Sorry I replaced you with a newer model.
- Bill Nye: Wow, Arthur Jeffries. It's an honor to meet you. My show never would have happened without yours.
- Arthur Jeffries: That's what I told my lawyers.
- Bill Nye: What are you working on?
- Leonard Hofstadter: We're making vacuum tubes.
- Bill Nye: That is very interesting.
- Arthur Jeffries: Haven't you stolen enough from me? Back off, bow tie!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Have you ever thought about why Arthur didn't want you to read his paper?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes I have. My only conclusion is the prescription he was picking up the other day was for cuckoo pills.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Maybe he found you a bit much.
- Sheldon Cooper: That's kind of a stretch. But when it comes to social skills, I've mastered the big three. There's the coy smile. There's the friendly chuckle. Ha-ha-ha-haaaa. There's the vocalization of sympathy. Ahhh. Well, that one's tricky. I'm still working on it.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: rom what I saw the other day I can understand why he and... some people might find you...
- Sheldon Cooper: What?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: It doesn't matter
- Sheldon Cooper: No. Go ahead. Say it. I know what it is. I've heard it my whole life. The word's annoying. Go ahead. Say it. Say it. Say, "I'm annoying."
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, it won't hurt my feelings. Go ahead, Amy. Say, "I'm annoying." "I'm annoying." "I'm annoying." "I'm annoying." Now where are you going? You know you want to say it. Say it. Say, "I'm annoying." Go ahead. Say it. Say it. Say it, Amy. Say it.
- [Amy leaves the apartment slamming the door]
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, she can't stand it when I'm right.
- Leonard Hofstadter: If you would have told me when I was a kid that someday I would have been doing science next to Professor Proton, I would not have believed you.
- Arthur Jeffries: If someone had told me that people would still be call me Professor Proton when I was 83 years old, I never would have quit smoking.
- [last lines]
- Arthur Jeffries: So, you, uh, you have, you have any si- single grandmothers?
- Penny: Sorry, they're both married.
- Arthur Jeffries: Good. Ha-hap- ha-hap- happily?
- [first lines]
- [Sheldon is skipping through the store]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Never seen him this happy before.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That's because you've never seen him on restock the medicine-cabinet day.
- Sheldon Cooper: Look! a new topical antihistamine with lidocaine. Wow! I can't wait 'til I get a rash.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Ohhhh, Gas-Ex has a new ultra-strength. Guess they really do read their mail.
- Sheldon Cooper: Hey. Isn't that Professor Proton?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, yeah.
- Sheldon Cooper: Look at him! he's standing in line, like he wasn't moderately famous thirty years ago. Let's go say hello!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, maybe we, we shouldn't bother him.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm not going to bother him; I'm going to talk to him.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [to Amy] He thinks there's a difference.
- Sheldon Cooper: If you're hoping to get in touch with Bill Nye, I can't help you. I've been informed that he's now Bill Nye, the Restraining Order Guy.
- Howard Wolowitz: Hello, all.
- Raj Koothrappali: Okay, here we go with the "Raj is a girl" jokes.
- Howard Wolowitz: Bernadette said I'm not allowed. So I won't say anything about you or what you do or how you just want to have fu-un.
- Bill Nye: I thought I was talking to a class.
- Sheldon Cooper: No, what I said was you were teaching someone a lesson.
- Arthur Jeffries: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry, Arthur. Did I wake you?
- Arthur Jeffries: It's seven thirty, so yeah.
- Sheldon Cooper: I would've gotten here sooner, but for some reason your house isn't on this map of the Hollywood stars.
- Sheldon Cooper: Never meet your heroes, they always say. Never peek behind the curtain of fame, or you'll see them for what they really are: degenerate carnie folk.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: He's a retired science kids show host.
- Sheldon Cooper: That's even worse! Using the sweet candy of science to trick children into loving him. Pervert.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: What are you working on?
- Raj Koothrappali: Ah, making a necklace for my mother.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: That's sweet.
- Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, she and my dad are going through a rough patch so wanted to do something to let her know I was thinking about her.
- Penny: What's going on with them?
- Raj Koothrappali: Eh, they're having a little problem communicating. My dad says it's because the sound of my mum's voice makes him want to tear his ears off and sew them over his eyes so he never has to look at her again.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: So what tools did you bring?
- Howard Wolowitz: Everything we need to make jewelery molds; here's some silver, a crucible and an acetylene torch to melt it down.
- Penny: Ooooo, that looks like fun.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Maybe you should master glue before you move on to fire.
- Raj Koothrappali: There are just some things that I feel more comfortable sharing with the girls because they won't make fun of me or call me names or ask me if my Koothrapanties are in a bunch.
- Howard Wolowitz: Look who's here to put the Jew back in jewelry.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, sure, it's fine when you say it.
- Sheldon Cooper: It's been pointed out by my girlfriend that I may have been annoying to you.
- Arthur Jeffries: She sounds like a keeper.
- Sheldon Cooper: This is my girlfriend, Amy. Amy, this is television legend, Arthur Jeffries. His science show inspired millions of children.
- Arthur Jeffries: Hold... hold... hold on, you... you have a girlfriend?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Dr. Jeffries, hello again, Leonard Hofstadter.
- Arthur Jeffries: Oh... oh right, I remember your, your girlfriend. Is, is she, is she here?
- [looking around]
- Arthur Jeffries: [Sheldon has woken Arthur up at 7:30 in the morning] Sheldon, in a couple of hours, I have to get up, pee, and then wander around the house.
- Penny: I'm just having a little trouble with the glue.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: How do you not know how to use glue? Did you ditch preschool?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Yeah, but only because I was dating a 2nd grader.