- Ash Weston: I want the kind of love Freddie and Stuart have one day.
- Freddie Thornhill: Where is that miserable piece of shit?
- Stuart Bixby: I'm right here, you walking corpse!
- Freddie Thornhill: They make me nervous, all these young people skittering around like mice; desperate to get back on the internet.
- [shopping in a mall]
- Penelope: Are all these girls prostitutes?
- Violet Crosby: No, that's just how they dress. Everybody's so proud of their vaginas now.
- Penelope: I've never even seen mine.
- Freddie Thornhill: [upset] There's just one thing that doesn't make any sense... who the hell would want to shag Stuart?
- Stuart Bixby: Freddie still thinks I almost had an affair.
- Stuart Bixby: [to Freddie] Hurry dear! We don't want to be late!
- Freddie Thornhill: Don't rush me, you cheating slut!
- Stuart Bixby: And he's being so decent about it.