The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Cooper/Kripke Inversion (2013)

Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, your food's getting cold.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'll eat later. Right now I'm suckling at the informative bosom of Mother Physics.

  Penny : Hot when Sheldon talks dirty.

• Raj Koothrappali : [Opening the package with his and Howard's action figures]  Say hello to an exact scale model of me.

  [Raj's figure looks like a black man] 

  Raj Koothrappali : Ohhh, I'm not dark chocolate! I'm melt-in-your-mouth caramel!

  Howard Wolowitz : [Howard's action figure has a huge nose]  Oh, man! Look at my nose!

  Leonard Hofstadter : Maybe it's a shipping problem.

  Howard Wolowitz : What?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah. Maybe Wesley Snipes and Toucan Sam just got action figures that look like you guys.

• Sheldon Cooper : [to Penny]  Do you have any idea what it's like to be paired with someone who is so incredibly annoying?

  Leonard Hofstadter : [raises hand]  Oh, teacher, me! Me!

• Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, no!

  [Star Wars' Darth Vader theme is playing] 

  Penny : What is that?

  Leonard Hofstadter : That is Sheldon's "I'm unhappy and about to destroy the planet" music. Hey, let's just go to your place.

  Penny : Well, wait, if he's unhappy shouldn't we talk to him?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Shouldn't we talk to him? Have you learned nothing in six years?

• Penny : Sheldon, could I ask you a question?

  Sheldon Cooper : Of course.

  Leonard Hofstadter : You ever gonna sleep with Amy?

  Sheldon Cooper : That's awfully personal.

  Leonard Hofstadter : We don't ask Sheldon things like that.

  Penny : Maybe you don't, I do. What's the deal?

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, word around the university is I'm giving her sex organs a proper jostling.

  Penny : All right, come on. Be serious. Look, you guys have been going out a long time. She would clearly like to have a physical relationship with you, so what are you doing?

  Leonard Hofstadter : All right, we're down the rabbit hole. What are you doing?

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, first of all, I'm quite fond of Amy.

  Penny : So, what's the problem?

  Sheldon Cooper : Penny, all my life, I have been uncomfortable with the sort of physical contact that comes easily to others-handshaking, hugging, prostate exams. But I'm working on it, you know? Just recently, I had to put VapoRub on Amy's chest. A year ago, that would've been unthinkable.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Now you know how I feel when I have to put it on you.

  Penny : Okay, hang on. Are you saying someday you and Amy might... actually get physical?

  Sheldon Cooper : [a long pause]  It's a possibility.

  Penny : [silently, grabbing Leonard's shoulder]  Oh, my God!

  [Out loud] 

  Penny : Sheldon, I know this wasn't easy for you, and I'm really glad we could have this conversation.

  Sheldon Cooper : Hey.

  [Penny starts to punch and slap Leonard in excitement] 

• Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon Lee Cooper, I do not have time for this nonsense! Now go put your clothes on, get in the car and let's go to work!

  Sheldon Cooper : All right, geez! What a grouch.

  Leonard Hofstadter : How did I do that? I gotta remember how I did that.

• Penny : I hate it when you make me sit through all the credits.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Well, sometimes there's a secret ending, like in The Avengers.

  Penny : Leonard, I don't think that's going to happen in a documentary about the Holocaust.

  Leonard Hofstadter : They could show bloopers.

• Penny : Want me to make you some tea?

  Sheldon Cooper : Tea is for when I'm upset; I'm not upset. The university is forcing me to work with Kripke. I'm outraged.

  Leonard Hofstadter : So, cocoa?

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes, cocoa!

• Leonard Hofstadter : [Howard and Raj are disappointed about how their action figures turned out]  Hmm, and my girlfriend wouldn't let me get one. Look at my face. Do I look smug? I feel smug.

• Sheldon Cooper : If Kripke asks, tell him my coitus with Amy is frequent, intense, and whimsically inventive.

  Leonard Hofstadter : [to Penny]  Is my coitus whimsically inventive?

  Penny : That is what I write on the bathroom walls. For a whimsically inventive time, call Leonard Hofstadter.

  Leonard Hofstadter : I know you're joking, but I'd be okay with that.