Elementary (TV Series)

The Red Team (2013)

Jonny Lee Miller: Sherlock Holmes

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dr. Joan Watson : Oh, I didn't know you liked tortoises.

  Sherlock Holmes : I love them. They make an absolutely delicious soup stock.

• Captain Thomas Gregson : You don't let anyone into your life who isn't constantly concerned with you - what kind of mood you're in, whether you're gettin' high or not, whether you're gonna work like an adult or throw a temper tantrum.

  [Lengthy pause] 

  Captain Thomas Gregson : [whispers]  You know what? Most of the time, you're worth it, because you *are* special. Damned if you don't know it, but you are. You wanna work cases? You're right. I can't say no.

  [puts on coat] 

  Captain Thomas Gregson : Don't think for a minute that I'm ever gonna forget that you were plannin' to murder someone on my watch. And don't think that I'm gonna *ever* really trust you again.

  Sherlock Holmes : You don't need to trust me to benefit from my intellect do you?

  Captain Thomas Gregson : No, I don't. But I do need to get something outta my system

  [punches Holmes in the stomach] 

  Captain Thomas Gregson : Welcome back.

• Sherlock Holmes : The world is balanced on a knife edge of destruction every single day. You accept that, and you can just get on with things.

• Dr. Joan Watson : Oh, it's that easy. You're just going to find five classified names.

  Sherlock Holmes : Why not? It's my day off.

• Dr. Joan Watson : I'm supposed to go out for a little while, but if you're still feeling obsessed, I can stay.

  Sherlock Holmes : I'm fine. Been neglecting my hobby. I'm going to visit swirltheory.com and discuss conspiracy theories.

  Dr. Joan Watson : Your hobby's conspiracy theories?

  Sherlock Holmes : No, of course not. They're pure sophistry. Large groups of people cannot keep secrets. My hobby is conspiracy *theorists*. I adore them, as one would a barmy uncle or a pet who can't stop walking into walls. Have you ever heard anyone say the CIA invented crack cocaine?

  Dr. Joan Watson : I have.

  Sherlock Holmes : I started that.

  Dr. Joan Watson : That's ridiculous.

  Sherlock Holmes : Hmm. Today I plan to get in touch with Zapruder - that's the moderator's nom de plume - and share with him the results of a secret government study which concludes that rising ocean waters will soon make a new coastline in the Appalachian foothills. Plans are afoot to move the nation's capital to Omaha, and a cadre of elite billionaires is buying up soon-to-be beachfront property.

  Dr. Joan Watson : Okay. Well, good luck with that.

• Sherlock Holmes : My name is Sherlock Holmes; I'm a temporarily suspended consultant for the NYPD. This is Joan Watson; she keeps me from doing heroin. And you would be?

  Todd Clarke : Bill.

• [Sherlock has redesigned his evidence wall to deduce the identity of "Moriarty"] 

  Dr. Joan Watson : [sees a picture tacked to the wall]  And how does Napoleon Bonaparte fit in?

  Sherlock Holmes : By the time of my third night without sleep, I may have been reaching.

• Dr. Joan Watson : Have you thought about maybe going and apologizing to Captain Gregson? It might go a long way.

  Sherlock Holmes : The man is a practiced interrogator; he knows an insincerity when he hears one.

  Dr. Joan Watson : There's no part of you that feels even a little bad about what you did?

  Sherlock Holmes : I don't want to discuss this.

  Dr. Joan Watson : Sometimes you have to talk about things that make you feel uncomfortable.

  Sherlock Holmes : I won't feel uncomfortable. You will.

  Dr. Joan Watson : Why?

  Sherlock Holmes : I'm smarter than everyone I meet, Watson.

  [Watson scoffs] 

  Sherlock Holmes : I know it's bad form to say that, but in my case, it's a fact. Allowances have to be made.

  Dr. Joan Watson : Allowances?

  Sherlock Holmes : It's true I've wronged Captain Gregson. It was the cost of revenge, and I incurred it willingly. The larger question is, how does my suspension benefit the city? If the role of the public servant is to keep an eye on the greater good, then why keep me from my work? My work *is* the greater good!

  [Watson rolls her eyes] 

  Sherlock Holmes : See, you're uncomfortable!

• Sherlock Holmes : What time is it?

  Dr. Joan Watson : [looks at a clock]  Ahh, it's nine thirty. Wednesday. You slept for two days straight.

  Sherlock Holmes : That's why I'm so hungry!