Jay Leno: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Self - Guest : Gunsmoke actually was the first in my uh, in my list of body parts where I actually *lost* something.

  Self - Host : You lost?

  Self - Guest : Well I was a bad guy, was playing the bad guy and I was shooting out the window of the sheriff and his posse and the good guy came down the stairs and I whirled around and shot at him and he shot me and I was supposed to slump against the window and crumple to the floor. And the first time I did it I separated my shoulder, and so I jumped right off the floor and they didn't have me 'dead' long enough, so after, they're all very kind, solicitous and they gave me some ice and sent me home. And then a couple days later they said 'Listen, we have to do it again because we don't have you 'dead', so could we do again?', so I shot out the window, and there's the good guy and I shot at him and he shot me and I slumped against the wall and I fell on the ground... and my gun bounced up and knocked out all my teeth up here.

  Self - Host : Really?

  Self - Guest : Yeah.

  Self - Host : Knocked out all your teeth?

  Self - Guest : [pause]  Yeah, are those *your* teeth?

  Self - Host : Well yeah, they,

  [laughs] 

  Self - Guest : [laughs]  I made a suggestion!

  Self - Host : Well I don't have the store bought ones.

  Self - Guest : Well actually store bort, bought ones were not such a great bargain because they sent me, I was under contract at the time to a studio, and they sent me to their company dentist who put in these teeth. Well, not *these* teeth, because six months later they started to fall out; and I went to a dentist and he said 'How old are you?', I said 'What do you mean?' He says, 'I haven't seen this work since the 19th century!' So I went back to the guy, and I tried to find this guy and his partner said 'Who? Nah, he's gone, he's not in the dentist business anymore'. So I had to pay for my own teeth and at the rate I was going that was a big bump in those days.

  Self - Host : Well let's take a break, we'll find out exactly what other body parts are missing, I know you have children so that part's okay.

  Self - Guest : They're not *missing*!