The Angry Video Game Nerd (TV Series)

Action 52 (2010)

James Rolfe: The Angry Video Game Nerd, Shit Pickle

Quotes 

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I guess this guy doesn't understand the concept of a hooker. You're supposed to fuck her, not fuck her up.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I can't believe they sold this shitfest for $199! That's about how much it costs for a video game console, pretty much. You can take $199, stand on a bridge, and just throw it all away! You'd rather do anything than spend it on a broken down, dysfunctional disaster of video game programming! With games that crash, hideous jumping control, random characters, microscopic sprites, a marathon of mediocre space shooters, dying in mid-air, problems with proportions, misleading titles, misleading power-ups, embarrassing weapons, seizure-inducing backgrounds, lack of enemies, games you can't win, games you can't lose, games that make no sense whatsoever, shitty graphics, shitty music, shitty menus, and a fuck-ton of other things! It should have been illegal for them to sell this rotten shitload of putrid fuck for any price! I feel humiliated to live on the same planet as someone who designed an electronic abomination of this magnitude! Couldn't they have tried to make one good game as opposed to 52 horrible games? Quality over quantity. That's our lesson here.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : "Time?" When you kill things, it says "Time?" What does that mean? Time to play another fucking game?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Of course, I should have known. In Action 52, you cannot jump down. You will hit the air so hard you will die!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : It's a Nintoaster. And yes, it works.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Are you ready for some action? Some Action 52? I suppose so, because I get requests for this game all the time, like this one right here: "Action 52. Fuck this game. Please do a review on it... You asshole. Thanks." Wow. I guess I gotta do it now.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Critical Bypass. It's critical that you bypass this game!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : What are these objects here? I'm running out of imagination, here. I can't decipher anythi...

  [the game gets scrambled] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : ... Especially when the game starts having a fucking seizure!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : If I was an intergalactic vaccum cleaner, I'd be like, "Oh, God! There's a menora shooting q-tips! Get out of the way!"

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Who wants to play a game that's pitch black? It's so black I can see my reflection in the screen. The question is, how much more black can this be? And the answer... is none.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Dam Busters. Those damn busters!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Out of the way, you fucking ghosts! Here comes Mrs. Tits! Jumping like she's on the moon! Die, you onion-faced balloon-floating um... thing!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : This game doesn't even care it sucks.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Oh, then the game crashes. Good!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Yeah, kill those cows! Turn them into a bowl of cereal with a puppy dog!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : #27, "Non Human". Well, isn't that an appropriate title? Everything about these games are non-human. Except for that very human-like face.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : What makes this ant different from the other ants? Oh, it's pink, and anything pink in this game sucks.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Let's start with the cartridge. It's the freak misfit of the NES library. Games came in grey, black, blue, silver, gold, but clear? You can tell just by looking at it this is a game so bad it has nothing to hide.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Not only is this game crap, but it's crap that comes with a price! $199.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Whenever you go back to the menu, it always starts at "Ooze". Is that the programmer's recommendation? Well, so far, every one of these games is a bomb, but out of 52, I'm sure we'll eventually find one that's decent... I hope.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Well, green, green, and more green. What is this? A cabbage patch on a golf course infested with killer scrodums? This is a disgrace to the NES, the same console that gave us classics like Legend of Zelda! Silver Sword. The sword isn't even silver. Maybe it's coroted.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Well, there's no game here. What happened? Did the programmers pass out, or did they figure nobody would check all 52 games? Well, that's four dollars wasted, but I guess I can't say I'm really too excited over playing a game called "Alfredo", also known as "Alfred and the Fettuc".

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : You're shitting me! This game is shitting me.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Another space shooter? Flying through McDonald's arches? No thanks.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : A rabbit in a hat? What does that do? Nothing at all. A bag of money? How about that? It turns into a green frowning face. Is that supposed to teach you a lesson like stealing money is greedy?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : These must have been the easiest games to make. Make a black background, cover it in dots, and call it space. You know what? It's getting old!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Yay! I've always wanted to play a game where I'm a little girl shooting bubbles!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : This game has no rules.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Was the whole idea to make so many shitty games that there won't be any more shitty games left to make? Out of all of these games, there's gotta be one that's at least tollerable!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : You know you're playing a shitty game when you can't jump over a hole. You can try all day, but you'll just end up falling into the purple dimension of green faces.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : #28 "Cry Baby". By now, you'd be crying, so it's like the game is mocking you.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : The one fucking game that doesn't end crashes when you try to quit!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I've been playing this game so long that I've sort of adapted to it's crap factor! I swear, the next time I play a regular platformer, I'm gonna try jumping with B.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I can understand dying when you jump from a very high point, but can't they at least make you die when you hit the ground?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I can think of some really bad games like Little Red Hood. That's a horrible game, but at least it's one horrible game, not 52! You know what's better than playing Action 52? Playing 52 Pickup!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Well, I'm glad they spelled lazer with a Z, because that's how you say it. You don't say "laser".

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Who would think that "Boss" means a frog running around with a gun getting ambushed by bombs?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : A pig version of Rambo? No, that would have been too clever.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Robbie the Robot... more like Robbie the sunglass-wearing Bart Simpson look-alike in a blue dress.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Whoever came up with this is an asshole!

  [it shows the Nerd in a TV screen and at the bottom it says TV version] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Whoever came up with this is an ass...

  [bleep] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Ass!... Hole?... Assh...

  [bleep] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Television makes a lot of sense.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Wow! Look out, Micro Mike, you're going too fast! Even if you have the quickest reflexes, you'll never be able to avoid the walls or other random objects that stand in your way. If only Micro Mike would slow the fuck down.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : You know what's more fun than playing Action 52? 52-card pickup. You know how you play that?

  [he flicks a deck of cards on the floor] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Pick up the cards!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : How tall is this building? It must lead into outer space... Oh, no! Please, please, not space.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : #49, "Jigsaw".

  [starts the game and it goes black] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : It crashed.

  [pause] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Oh, thank God! Next game.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Sounds like fun? Well, guess what, it isn't.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : What is this? An inside-out dolphin shooting at roadkill toads? I don't know, I'm just using my imagination. That's all you have when you play this miserable pile of goat shit.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Television makes a lot of sense.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Now I'm getting tired of this. Can someone at least try to kill me?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : What is this? Reject sprites of other video games thrown together?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : You're an ant trying to make other ants dead ants like the Pink Panther.

  [sings the "Pink Panther" theme by saying "Dead Ant"]