- Grampa Simpson: Hold on there, Fritz. Before you squeeze out any of my grampa grease, ask me this question. What did you do during the war?
- Walter Hottenhoffer: World War II? I wasn't born yet.
- Grampa Simpson: Funny how many Germans say that nowadays.
- Bart Simpson: [Looking inside an abandoned mine] The legends are true!
- Milhouse Van Houten: Did you find gold?
- Bart Simpson: Better! The prospectors left naughty French postcards. Ooh-la-la!
- Nelson Muntz: That's fool's porn. I'll take them off your hands for ya.
- [Takes cards and goes behind a cactus]
- Nelson Muntz: Ce si bon! Si bon! Si bon! And... remorse.
- Grampa Simpson: Here, go buy yourself some rock and roll records.
- Bart Simpson: To the antique store!
- Lisa Simpson: These flowers have saved me from a terrible fate: not getting an A on my science project.
- Principal Seymour Skinner: Move it along, Lisa. We have to go. Milhouse found a hippie skeleton and he's freaking out.
- Milhouse Van Houten: Never get off the bus! Never get off the bus!
- Grampa Simpson: Now that's what I call a fishing trip.
- Homer Simpson: That's what I was going to say.
- Bart Simpson: This is great. It's like we have our own monster.
- Homer Simpson: Grampa is not a monster. Now let's take him down to the basement and chain him.
- Grampa Simpson: Sounds fine to me.
- Homer Simpson: Thanks for giving us a tour of your factory, Mr. Wonka.
- Walter Hottenhoffer: I am not Willie Wonka.
- Bart Simpson: No, you're Augustus Gloop, the fat German kid.
- Walter Hottenhoffer: Yes, it's true. I am Gloop. Being stuck in that tube changed me in so many ways.