I, Claudius (TV Mini Series)

Hail Who? (1976)

Derek Jacobi: Claudius

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  [Claudius receives a letter with a small box] 

  Claudius : It's from Herod.

  Calpurnia : What does he say?

  Claudius : Oh, it's written from J-Jerusalem.

  Calpurnia : Read it to me; his letters are so amusing.

  Claudius : [reading]  "My dear old friend, what is all this I hear about your living in three rooms in the p-poor quarter of town? Is it serious?"

  [Calpurnia laughs] 

  Claudius : "Why did you not write to me? Is it that absurd p-pride of yours? Well, I shall attend to that shortly. Meanwhile, knowing how loath you are to accept m-money, and being the only practical friend you ever had, I enclose a little p-present for you. Please make proper use of it. Herod."

  Calpurnia : What is it? It seems very small.

  Claudius : Hnh, I don't know.

  [Claudius opens the box. It is a set of four dice] 

  Calpurnia : Well, I don't think that's very generous.

  [Claudius shakes the dice and rolls them - twenty-four, all sixes] 

  Calpurnia : Venus! Oh, Claudius, I think your luck is changing.

  [Claudius rolls them again - all sixes again] 

  Calpurnia : I'm sure it's an omen.

  [a third time - all sixes yet again] 

  Calpurnia : Those dice are crooked. You can't possibly use them.

  [Claudius rolls them a fourth time. They both break up laughing] 

  Claudius : Ah, dear Herod. How I miss him.

• [regarding Caligula] 

  Caesonia : Claudius, we must help him, the emperor.

  Claudius : He's your husband, you help him.

  Caesonia : Claudius, he's sick. He needs good people around him.

  Claudius : He's killed them all.

• Caligula : Do you think I'm mad?

  Claudius : Mad?

  Caligula : Yes, sometimes I think that I'm going mad. Do you - be honest with me - has that thought ever crossed your mind?

  Claudius : Never. Never. The idea is preposterous. You set the standard of sanity for the whole world.