- [on Livia's plan to have Tiberius marry Julia]
- Tiberius: Anyway, where does all this get us? There's not only Marcellus, there's Agrippa too. And Augustus prefers both of them to me.
- Julia: [Screams off stage] No, *no*.
- Tiberius: Ye gods, what's that?
- Livia: It sounds as though there is now only Agrippa.
- Livia: Tell me, what do you think of Julia?
- Tiberius: Nothing. Why?
- Livia: Nobody could accuse you of being devious. She thinks very well of you.
- Tiberius: What's that supposed to mean.
- Livia: Nothing. She likes you, that's all. Always has.
- Tiberius: Mother, I'm a happily married man. Julia doesn't interest me. She wouldn't interest me even if you hung her naked from the ceiling above my bed.
- Livia: She might even do that if I asked her.
- Marcus Agrippa: I'm getting a little tired of being taught the arts of war by kids that have only just learned how to piss in a pot.
- Livia: [to Julia] You know, I remember when I first married your father, you were a little girl and Tiberius was a little boy and you used to play together. Do you remember?
- Julia: [laughing] Yes, I do.
- Livia: And once you both grew up you seemed to fond of one another, and I had hoped that you'd both...
- Julia: [laughing] Yes, I used to adore him.
- [pause]
- Julia: How foolish one is when one is young.
- [about the Greek Poet]
- Augustus: I've asked him to prepare a piece to celebrate the seventh anniversary of the Battle of Actium.
- Marcellus: [sarcastically] Oh no.
- Augustus: What's the matter? Is it too boring for you?
- Marcellus: We had one last year.
- Augustus: That was last year and the speaker was very dull. This man they say is wonderful.
- Marcellus: [impersonating the speaker from last year] "Seven year this day did Antony's hopes sink in the harbor of Actium."
- Augustus: You see how the young mock the battle scars of their elders?
- Augustus: Look everyone, it's the cake.
- Julia: [wittily] Do we get one each?
- Augustus: [laughing] Julia, for heaven's sake.
- [all laugh at her comment]
- Marcus Agrippa: It's my ship.
- Augustus: Yes, the one you made your headquarters.
- Marcus Agrippa: She was a fine ship.
- Marcellus: Ah.
- [short pause; pointing to the cherry on the top]
- Marcellus: That must be you, Marcus; The candied-cherry in the prow.