- Tuco Salamanca: Tell me what you did, Walter!
- Jesse Pinkman: Jesus, I don't wanna die! NO!
- Tuco Salamanca: TELL ME WHAT YOU DID!
- Walter White: We tried to poison you. We tried to poison you because you are an insane, degenerate piece of filth and you deserve to die.
- Walter White: [after failing to poison Tuco] Chili powder. Did I not already tell you how moronic that was?
- Jesse Pinkman: Whatever, man. At least I tried something. Hey, it almost worked, too. How's about you leaving my gun, huh? First you boost it, then you leave it in your house. *My* gun.
- Walter White: How was I supposed to know you were chauffeuring Tuco to my doorstep?
- Jesse Pinkman: If Tuco didn't kill Gonzo, then who did?
- Walter White: I don't know. I don't know. Does it really matter? If he finds out that Gonzo is dead and not a police informant, who does he automatically blame?
- Jesse Pinkman: Us.
- Walter White: We need a plan. Think. Think.
- Jesse Pinkman: Let's just bum-rush him, man. You know, you crack him over the head with something, and I'll go for his gun.
- Walter White: Crack him over the head with something?
- [he holds up a nearby fly swatter as a sarcastic non-verbal question]
- Jesse Pinkman: Hey, you got the C-bomb, man, all right? You're as good as checked out already. Okay? You should be, like, all sacrificial, jumping on a grenade, yo. Just...
- Walter White: Oh, so my life is not the priority here because I'm gonna be dead soon anyway. That's your point?
- Jesse Pinkman: Uh, yeah.
- Mrs. Pinkman: Are you with the police?
- Hank Schrader: No, ma'am. Not at all.
- [seeing her look]
- Hank Schrader: I'm, uh, with the Drug Enforcement Administration.
- Mrs. Pinkman: Oh, my god. Is my son in trouble?
- Hank Schrader: I have absolutely no reason to think that, no.
- Mrs. Pinkman: Do I need to get a lawyer? You know, you don't seem very forthright about this, coming here and asking questions about my son...
- Hank Schrader: Mrs. Pinkman, I swear to you, I'm not here in an official capacity. I do not care what your son may or may not have done wrong. I just want to find my brother-in-law.
- Jesse Pinkman: Get away from me!
- Tuco Salamanca: Settle down, bitch.
- Jesse Pinkman: You gonna shoot me, huh? Shoot me in here! I hope I bleed like a mother, too! That way you have to clean it up!
- Tuco Salamanca: It's your ride, retard. I ain't gotta clean jack.
- Hank Schrader: [briefing his team about Tuco] On the hit parade, 1998. Reputed to have whacked one "Dog" Paulson back when our homegrown bandidos were wrestling the crank trade away from the SoCal biker gangs. Also, we're pretty sure he knifed a Mexican national in '03. And for my money, seeing how he customarily deals with rivals, I'd say he is a prime suspect in the disappearance of our dearly missed Krazy-8. Hats over your heart for that dirtball.
- Steven Gomez: We hauled Tuco in for questioning on that one, but as ususal, we couldn't make it stick.
- Hank Schrader: Yeah, he runs a tight ship. Smug bastard. Uh, even worse, El Paso says he's got some kind of cartel connection.
- [murmurs from the crowd]
- Hank Schrader: Yeah, yeah. I know it's, uh... we all know what's going on down there. We sure as hell don't want it going on up here, which brings us to the good news. We finally got some actual, honest-to-God evidence. This is one of Tuco's henchmen. Street name: No-Doze. Found him tucked in the junkyard along with Tuco's own brother-in-law, AKA Gonzo. Now, Gonzo, this rocket scientist, was moving No-Doze's body - uh, either hiding it there or pulling it out, we're still not sure - when he got his arm crushed clean off. Uh, anyone wanna see the photos, they're on my website. Hilarious. Anyway. The upshot is we got us a nice, big, juicy, bloody fingerprint, which belongs to Senor Tuco. Christmas came early to the Schrader household. That is, provided we find this guy. So to all present, I ask you, you wanna find this guy?
- [half-hearted calls of agreement]
- Hank Schrader: What the hell was that? Jesus. Wanna try that again? Do you wanna find this guy?
- [more energetic calls of agreement]
- Hank Schrader: Are we going to find this guy?
- [a chorus of yeses]
- Hank Schrader: Louder, damn it!
- [more yeses]
- Hank Schrader: Give me a "hell, yeah"!
- [they chorus it back]
- Hank Schrader: Hell, yeah!
- [they chorus it back, then begin a "hell, yeah" chant]
- Hank Schrader: [leaving with Gomez] Whew. They ain't gonna find him. Guy's in Mexico by now. Appearances, Gomey. It's all about appearances.
- Hank Schrader: All right, everybody. Listen up. Tuco Salamanca. For those of you who were not with us this morning, we raided his headquarters. Also his last known address. Even the little den of iniquity he keeps for his meth-hag girlfriend. We netted a bunch of his lieutentants. The big man himself smelled us coming. So, study the face. Study the file. Get a big old raging hard-on at the idea of catching this piece of shit.
- [to a female employee]
- Hank Schrader: Oh, my apologies to the HR department. Grow tumescent with anticipation.
- Jesse Pinkman: [trying to pass off the ricin he and Walt cooked as a new brand of meth] You need me, man. 'Cause I cooked that scante in your hands. Yeah. I'll tell you something, yo. You never tried anything like it. Stink or no stink, one bump, you'll be flying high for days. It's a new product him and I have been working up. Careful when you hit it. It kicks like a 12 gauge when it comes on. It's got a secret ingredient.
- Jesse Pinkman: [about to try it] What secret ingredient?
- Jesse Pinkman: Chili powder.
- Tuco Salamanca: [wiping his hand clean and tossing the baggie away] I hate chili powder.
- [taking out their regular product]
- Tuco Salamanca: This blue magic, this is money. Huh? You keep cooking this, Heisenberg.
- [crushing some up to snort]
- Tuco Salamanca: We're gonna rewrite history with this.