- Pastor John: I used to be like you.
- Corey: What, you had a training bra?
- Pastor John: Not exactly. But when I was your age, I experienced things that made me feel like God didn't exist. Maybe you've experienced something like that too.
- Sam: You don't know anything about me.
- Pastor John: I can see that you're in pain.
- Sam: I'm alive.
- Pastor John: Is that how you see life?
- Sam: Till farts taste like cherries, yeah.
- Corey: What do you think God's farts taste like?
- Sam: Marshmallow Peeps.
- Pastor John: You girls new in town?
- Sam: Just passing through.
- Pastor John: Well, you gonna be around a little while, you might as well stop and get some pizza at my Bible study. Lot of fun.
- Corey: Oh, I'm satanic.
- [gesturing to Sam]
- Corey: She's half-Jehovah, quarter Jew and a tiny bit retarded.
- Pastor John: Well, we're nondenominational. We accept all types, even those with horns.