Resident Alien (TV Series)
The Green Glow (2021)
Alan Tudyk: Harry Vanderspeigle
Photos
Quotes
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Harry Vanderspeigle : [voiceover] I'd grow a mustache as a disguise, but then I'd have to get a job as a firefighter or a pedophile.
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Imaginary Harry : [to the alien Harry] I heard you screwing my wife from the freezer the other night. Sounded like a monkey killing a dolphin.
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Harry Vanderspeigle : [reading 'Dracula'] This man enjoys the taste of human blood. It's very funny.
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Max Hawthorne : What does it do?
Harry Vanderspeigle : It will cook your monkey ass.
[corrects himself]
Harry Vanderspeigle : Consider it a radio.
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Harry Vanderspeigle : [voiceover] The biggest misconception the humans have about the universe is that it's enormous. It's not. It's tiny. It's all so finite, and smells of slightly burnt caramel corn. I understand why these dumb humans don't know anything about the extended universe. They've never been there. But the universe has been to them.
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Harry Vanderspeigle : [voiceover] What do I have? Nothing. Just this stupid human body with two useless nipples that don't even produce milk.
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Harry Vanderspeigle : Honey.
Isabelle : Hmm?
Harry Vanderspeigle : The only reason I'm out here is that I needed space.
Isabelle : What?
Harry Vanderspeigle : Yes, space. like husbands often say in television shows.
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Imaginary Harry : That makes you human.
Harry Vanderspeigle : Don't call me that. That's the most hurtful thing anyone has said to me.
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[Harry returns to his cabin after being rude to Isabelle, the real Harry's wife]
Harry Vanderspeigle : We should talk.
Isabelle : [standing up from packing her suitcase] Yes?
Harry Vanderspeigle : What are you making for dinner?
Isabelle : Ugh. I'm leaving. I can't spend another night here with you.
[Isabelle continues packing]
Harry Vanderspeigle : I like it when you make the mini chickens.
Isabelle : You're not listening. I'm leaving you.
Harry Vanderspeigle : You said that once. But you are still here.
Harry Vanderspeigle : [voiceover] . I don't want her to go. I'm very hungry. I need here to make me food. I must get her to stay. I have an idea.
Harry Vanderspeigle : [aloud] Stay.
Isabelle : Nope.
Harry Vanderspeigle : [voiceover] That didn't work.
Isabelle : I can't live like this. I feel alienated, lied to.
Harry Vanderspeigle : [aloud] Are you upset because I drugged you? I was trying to be kind. On television, the Three Stooges knock each other out with skillets.
Isabelle : I don't even know who you are anymore. Goodbye, Harry.
Harry Vanderspeigle : Wait, no. I don't like this. Stop.
Isabelle : Just answer me one question. Did you ever love me?
Harry Vanderspeigle : Once.
Isabelle : Thank you for finally being honest.
[leaves cabin]
Harry Vanderspeigle : [sits down and sighs with anguish]