- Colin Mochrie: [in "Narrate", set at a bowling alley] I know you took my bowling ball fifteen years ago. I want it, I want it now.
- Ryan Stiles: I don't know what you're talkin' about.
- [to camera]
- Ryan Stiles: I knew what he was talking about. But I played by the rules and he didn't. You see, every time he comes forward to talk, he steps over the line.
- Colin Mochrie: I want my ball back.
- Ryan Stiles: Tell you what: I got a five-ten split there. You pick it up, you can have your ball back.
- Colin Mochrie: [to camera] I was going to enjoy showing this guy up. I don't care about any line.
- [moves closer to the camera]
- Colin Mochrie: I can go anywhere I want. 'Cause this is America, the best country in the world. And if a man can't go over the bowling line, then we might as well walk around with tin cans on our ears and sour cream on our head!
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Greatest Hits", about songs of the fish cutter] You know, I can't look at a fish being cut open with its guts spilling out without thinking of music.
- Ryan Stiles: Who can?
- Colin Mochrie: Exactly. That's why we've come up with a special compilation of 150,000 CDs with over 15 million hours of fish cutting music.
- Ryan Stiles: It's too much music!
- Colin Mochrie: Or IS it?
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Greatest Hits", about songs of the fish cutter] Hey, Colin, how much would you pay for a two CD set like this?
- Colin Mochrie: Why, I would pay upward of $15.
- Ryan Stiles: Do you have a CD player?
- Colin Mochrie: No.
- Ryan Stiles: Well then, it's a waste of money, isn't it?