- Kelly Kapoor: Oh, my God, I have so much to tell you!
- Jim Halpert: Really?
- Kelly Kapoor: Yes. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, they had a baby and they named it Suri, and then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, they had a baby, too, and they named it Shiloh. And both babies are amazing!
- Jim Halpert: Great. What's new with you?
- Kelly Kapoor: [blank stare] I just told you.
- Michael Scott: [greeting Karen Filippelli] Welcome! Wow, you're very exotic-looking. Was your dad a GI, or...
- Andy Bernard: Saw your dork-mobile in the parking lot. What does it get, like, four miles to the gallon?
- Dwight Schrute: Uh, try double that. Classic Trans Am, vintage American muscle. Please.
- Andy Bernard: Yeah, my Xterra is pretty sweet. Luxurious yet rugged. Leave it to the Japanese.
- Dwight Schrute: Xterra's not even a real word.
- Andy Bernard: Actually, it is. It's Latin for "earth."
- Dwight Schrute: Oh, so you drive an X-earth? Yeah, that makes sense. I'd rather drive a classic Trans Am than an X-earth.
- Andy Bernard: Yeah, I bet you would. Oh, by the way, 1985 called. It wants its car back.
- Dwight Schrute: Well, I hope 1985 has a time machine, 'cause I drive an '87.
- Andy Bernard: Oh, speaking of time machines? I just got back from the future, and I went to your funeral, and guess what? Nobody came.
- Dwight Schrute: Speaking of funerals, why don't you go ahead and go die?
- Andy Bernard: That was a really well-constructed sentence. You should be an English professor at Cor-Not University.
- Dwight Schrute: Idiot!
- Andy Bernard: If I were an idiot, I'd be driving a Trans Am.
- Dwight Schrute: If you were driving a Trans Am, you would be the smartest idiot in the whole world.
- Andy Bernard: [coughing] Idiot!
- Dwight Schrute: [coughing] You're the idiot.
- Andy Bernard: [coughing] Nice comeback.
- Dwight Schrute: [coughing] I was making fun of your comeback. That's why it worked.
- Jim Halpert: [in regards to "Lazy Scranton"] It reminds me of the orientation video Michael showed on my first day. "The Scranton Witch Project."
- Michael Scott: [In the video] I am so scared when people don't label their personal food.
- Hannah: Look what's on his computer!
- Michael Scott: What is that, a squid's eye, or...
- Hannah: It's my left breast.
- Michael Scott: How did you...
- Creed: Right place at the right time.
- Hannah Smotrich-Barr: [breastfeeding] Take a picture; it'll last longer.
- Ryan Howard: I'm sorry, it's just... It's a little distracting.
- Creed: [staring] Ditto that, my brother.
- Karen Filippelli: Ugh. What is that smell?
- Phyllis Lapin: What smell?
- Karen Filippelli: There must be an air freshener plugged in somewhere. It smells like a funeral home.
- Phyllis Lapin: Oh, I'll help you find it
- [walks over next to Karen]
- Karen Filippelli: Oh, you know what... never... never mind.
- Phyllis Lapin: What is it?
- Karen Filippelli: I..I think I'm just allergic to your perfume.
- Phyllis Lapin: My perfume?
- Karen Filippelli: It's just my crazy nose. I'm used to different smells.
- Phyllis Lapin: [annoyed] Bob Vance bought this perfume for me in Metropolitan Orlando. It's made from real *pine*.
- Karen Filippelli: Who's Bob Vance?
- Phyllis Lapin: [annoyed] You've a lot to learn about this town, sweetie.