Family Guy (TV Series)
Stewie Loves Lois (2006)
Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Dr. Elmer Hartman, Captain Seamus, Mr. Sulu, Kermit the Frog, Wayne
Photos
Quotes
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Stewie Griffin : Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois Griffin : WHAT!
Stewie Griffin : Hi.
[Runs off giggling]
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Lois Griffin : Peter, my God, you look terrible. What happened?
Peter Griffin : [Slowly] I was raped.
Lois Griffin : [Chuckles] What?
Peter Griffin : Doctor Hartman violated me. He took my innocence.
Lois Griffin : [Chuckles harder] W-What?
[Peter whispers in her ear]
Lois Griffin : Peter, that's a prostate exam. It's an important part of a physical for men your age.
Peter Griffin : You sound just like him!
[Runs off, sobbing]
Lois Griffin : Fuckin' idiot.
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Peter Griffin : And to think I actually thought you raped me.
Doctor Hartman : Well, I was going to, but you ran out of the room!
Peter Griffin : What!
Doctor Hartman : [points at Peter and smiles] Ehhhhh!
Peter Griffin : [points at Hartman] Ehhhhh!
[Audience applauds]
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Peter Griffin : What the hell was that?
Dr. Hartman : Mr. Griffin, that was a prostate exam.
Peter Griffin : Shut up! You had your finger in my ass!
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Brian Griffin : Stewie loves Lois!
Stewie Griffin : Brian loves Olympia Dukakis!
Brian Griffin : Oh yeah, I do.
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Stewie Griffin : Oh, it is so hard to find funny women, and you are hilarious. Oh, you're like a female Bonnie Hunt!
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Stewie Griffin : I'm dying up here! What is this, a Tommy Lee pool party?
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Joe Swanson : [at The Drunken Clam] Peter, what's the matter with you today? You're not yourself.
Peter Griffin : Guys, I went to Dr. Hartman yesterday and... he did things to my fanny!
Cleveland Brown : Peter, it's okay.
Peter Griffin : It's not okay! You don't know what it's like!
Cleveland Brown : You're wrong. I, too, have felt the cold finger of injustice on my insidey parts!
Peter Griffin : He... he did it to you, too?
Glenn Quagmire : I have something to say. Dr. Hartman violated me as well. I only went in there for a physical/guinea pig removal, but I turned out to be the guinea pig, for his sexual experimentation!
Joe Swanson : You guys are a bunch of queers.
[wheels off-screen, then returns, crying]
Joe Swanson : And so am I! Oh God, it was horrible! I scrubbed and I scrubbed, but damn it, they don't make water hot enough!
Peter Griffin : My God, we've all been victims of Dr. Hartman's "prostate exam." Well, gentleman, the abuse stops here. I will not turn a brown eye to this. I am gonna sue that bastard and make him pay out the ass. No ifs, ands or buts. I'm gonna be real anal about this.
[pause]
Peter Griffin : Sphincter.
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Stewie Griffin : Lois? Lois? Lois? Lois? Lois? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Momma? Momma? Momma? Ma? Ma? Ma? Ma? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mommy? Mommy? Momma? Momma? Momma?
Lois Griffin : WHAT?
Stewie Griffin : Hi...
[runs off giggling]
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Peter Griffin : [about to receive a prostate exam by Dr. Hartman] So, how's this work? You just feel my pulse or?
[as soon as Dr. Hartan pokes his finger up Peter's anal, Peter freaks out]