The Brothers Solomon (2007)
Will Arnett: John Solomon
Photos
Quotes
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John Solomon : I literally can not wait to feel myself inside you!
Janine : Woah! The only thing you're going to feel yourself inside of is a cold Dixie cup.
Dean Solomon : Well that certainly doesn't make your vagina sound very appealing.
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Dean Solomon : She's not into you. Can't you see that?
John Solomon : You're just jealous of what we have.
Dean Solomon : Jealous of what you have? I already have what you have: nothing.
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Dean Solomon : So... you're a janitor?
James : That's right. I'm a black man so I must be a janitor. Motherfucking racist-ass stereotyper.
Dean Solomon : It's just, you're... wearing a janitor's outfit.
James : Oh. So a black man can't just go in a thrift shop and buy a janitor's outfit 'cause he find it comfortable on his nuts.
Dean Solomon : No, he can. Especially a black man.
John Solomon : What do you do?
James : I'm a janitor.
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John Solomon : I think we maybe need to broaden our search to include less conventional methods of having a baby.
Dean Solomon : Like anal?
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John Solomon : Do you have any pictures of the kids? Something that we can...
[points to picture of adoption agency representative's son]
John Solomon : Oh, Dean. How about that little guy?
Dean Solomon : No friggin' way! Under no circumstances. He's got like Bells Palsy or something.
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John Solomon : So she got hit by a bus, huh? Poor girl.
Dean Solomon : Yeah, the bus took a pretty serious hit too. I mean she was a large girl. Comfortably in the 200's.
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John Solomon : Oh, Dean. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Dean Solomon : You just said "hard on."
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John Solomon : Hope your baby doesn't die!
Dean Solomon : Guard your baby with your life!
James : Don't fuck up.