Yes, Prime Minister (TV Series)
The Tangled Web (1988)
Nigel Hawthorne: Sir Humphrey Appleby
Photos
Quotes
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James Hacker : But it wasn't my fault. I didn't know he was being bugged.
Bernard Woolley : Prime Minister, you are deemed to have known. You are ultimately responsible.
James Hacker : Why wasn't I told?
Sir Humphrey Appleby : The Home Secretary might not have felt the need to infrom you.
James Hacker : Why?
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Perhaps he didn't know either. Or perhaps he'd been advised that you did not need to know.
James Hacker : Well I did need to know.
Bernard Woolley : Apparently the fact that you needed to know was not known at the time that the now known need to know was known, and therefore those that needed to advise and inform the Home Secretary perhaps felt that the information that he needed as to whether to inform the highest authority of the known information was not yet known and therefore there was no authority for the authority to be informed because the need to know was not at this time known or needed.
James Hacker : What!
Sir Humphrey Appleby : We could not know that you would deny it in the House.
James Hacker : Well, obviously I would if I didn't know and I were asked.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : We did not know that you would be asked when you didn't know.
James Hacker : But I was bound to be asked when I didn't know if I didn't know.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : What?
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[discussing Sir Humphrey's upcoming interview with Ludovic Kennedy]
Sir Humphrey Appleby : His researchers mentioned that lots of people are interested to know why so much power is centralised in my hands.
James Hacker : Lots of people? Hardly anybody's ever heard of you, Humphrey.
Bernard Woolley : Perhaps they meant lots of Radio 3 listeners.
James Hacker : That's a contradiction in terms.
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Sir Humphrey Appleby : We can issue a clarification.
James Hacker : I think you've already made yourself very clear.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : No, Prime Minister, a clarification is not to make oneself clear. It is to put oneself *in* the clear.
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James Hacker : I mean, why should we bug Hugh Halifax's telephone? I mean, one of my own administration. Don't know where they got such a daft idea. Sheer paranoia.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Yes, the only thing is...
James Hacker : I mean, why should we listen in to MPs? Boring, stupid ignorant windbags, I do my best *not* to listen to them. He's only a PPS. *I* have enough trouble finding out what's going on at the Ministry of Defence, what could *he* know?
Sir Humphrey Appleby : So I gather you denied that Mr Halifax's phone had been bugged.
James Hacker : Well, obviously. It was the one question today to which I could give a clear, simple, straightforward, honest answer.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Yes. Unfortunately, although the answer was indeed clear, simple and straightforward, there is some difficulty in justifiably assigning to it the fourth of the epithets you applied to the statement inasmuch as the precise correlation between the information you communicated and the facts insofar as they can be determined and demonstrated is such as to cause epistemological problems of sufficient magnitude as to lay upon the logical and semantic resources of the English language a heavier burden than they can reasonably be expected to bear.
James Hacker : Epistemological? What are you talking about?
Sir Humphrey Appleby : You told a lie.
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James Hacker : It was the one question today to which I could give a clear, simple, straightforward, honest answer.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Yes. Unfortunately although the answer was indeed clear, simple and straightforward, there is some difficulty in justifiably assigning to it the 4th of the epithets you applied to the statement, in as much as the precise correlation between the information you communicated and the facts, in so far as they can be determined and demonstrated is such as to cause epistemological problems of sufficient magnitude as to lay upon the logical and semantic resources of the English language a heavier burden than they can reasonably be expected to bear.
James Hacker : What are you talking about?
Sir Humphrey Appleby : You... told a lie.
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Sir Humphrey Appleby : Bernard, what am I going to do?
Bernard Woolley : Keep your mouth shut in future.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : And so must you, Bernard. I don't want you to breathe a word about this too anyone. Anyone, do you hear?
Bernard Woolley : Sir, my duty-...
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Bernard, I won't--
[collapses into a chair]
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Bernard, what am I going to do?
Bernard Woolley : Well, perhaps you should put out a press statement expressing sympathy for the unemployed.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Sympathy?
Bernard Woolley : Well, you may be joining them at any moment.
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Sir Humphrey Appleby : [talking about the tape Sir Humphrey has just received from the BBC] My God, I've just realized... blackmail.
Bernard Woolley : Blackmail?
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Read that.
Bernard Woolley : "Here is a copy of your off-the-record part of the radio interview. We found it very interesting. We will contact you shortly"
Sir Humphrey Appleby : What do they want from me, Bernard?
Bernard Woolley : The BBC? License fee up 50%?
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Maybe it's a private blackmail from the producer.
Bernard Woolley : Maybe.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Doesn't he know I'm a poor man?
Bernard Woolley : Maybe he hasn't read you live in abject poverty on 81,000 a year.
