- Sir Humphrey: It's clear that the Committee has agreed that your new policy is really an excellent plan. But in view of some of the doubts being expressed, may I propose that I recall that after careful consideration, the considered view of the Committee was that, while they considered that the proposal met with broad approval in principle, that some of the principles were sufficiently fundamental in principle, and some of the considerations so complex and finely balanced in practice that in principle it was proposed that the sensible and prudent practice would be to submit the proposal for more detailed consideration, laying stress on the essential continuity of the new proposal with existing principles, the principle of the principal arguments which the proposal proposes and propounds for their approval. In principle.
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: [demonstrating how public surveys can reach opposite conclusions] Mr. Woolley, are you worried about the rise in crime among teenagers?
- Bernard Woolley: Yes.
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Do you think there is lack of discipline and vigorous training in our Comprehensive Schools?
- Bernard Woolley: Yes.
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Do you think young people welcome some structure and leadership in their lives?
- Bernard Woolley: Yes.
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Do they respond to a challenge?
- Bernard Woolley: Yes.
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Might you be in favour of reintroducing National Service?
- Bernard Woolley: Er, I might be.
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes or no?
- Bernard Woolley: Yes.
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Of course, after all you've said you can't say no to that. On the other hand, the surveys can reach opposite conclusions.
- [survey two]
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Mr. Woolley, are you worried about the danger of war?
- Bernard Woolley: Yes.
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Are you unhappy about the growth of armaments?
- Bernard Woolley: Yes.
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Do you think there's a danger in giving young people guns and teaching them how to kill?
- Bernard Woolley: Yes.
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Do you think it's wrong to force people to take arms against their will?
- Bernard Woolley: Yes.
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Would you oppose the reintroduction of conscription?
- Bernard Woolley: Yes.
- [does a double-take]
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: There you are, Bernard. The perfectly balanced sample.
- Bernard Woolley: But he's the Prime Minister!
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Indeed he is Bernard. He has his own car, a nice house in London, a place in the country, endless publicity and a pension for life. What more does he want?
- Bernard Woolley: I think he wants to govern Britain.
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Well stop him, Bernard.
- Jim Hacker: So let us be abundantly clear about this. We cannot go on paying ourselves more than we earn. The rest of the world does not owe us a living. We must be prepared to make sacrifices and... Who wrote this rubbish?
- Bernard Woolley: You did, Prime Minister. It's one of your old speeches.
- Godfrey - TV Producer: All I can say is, if that's what you're going to say, I suggest a very modern suit, hi-tech furniture, high-energy yellow wallpaper, abstract paintings. In fact, everything to disguise the absence of anything new in the actual speech.
- Sir Humphrey: Bernard, what is the purpose of our defence policy?
- Bernard Woolley: To defend Britain.
- Sir Humphrey: No, Bernard. It is to make people *believe* Britain is defended.
- Bernard Woolley: The Russians?
- Sir Humphrey: Not the Russians, the British! The Russians know it's not.
- [discussing with Bernard his recent meeting with the US President]
- Jim Hacker: Well, I read him my brief, he read me his brief, then we decided it would quicker if we just swapped briefs and read them for ourselves. So we spent most of our time rubbishing the French!
- James Hacker: [reading a speech written for him] "We shall of course be reviewing a wide range of options over the whole field of government expenditures." Bernard, this doesn't say anything.
- Bernard Woolley: Oh, thank you, Prime Minister.
- James Hacker: It's completely lacking impact.
- Bernard Woolley: You're too kind, Prime Minster.
- [the Prime Minister wants to enact a policy that Humphrey opposes]
- Bernard Woolley: He's going to say something new and radical in the broadcast.
- Sir Humphrey: What, that silly Grand Design? Bernard, that's precisely what you were there to avoid! How did this come about, I shall need a very good explanation.
- Bernard Woolley: Well, he's very keen on it.
- Sir Humphrey: What's that got to do with it? Things don't happen just because Prime Ministers are very keen on them! Neville Chamberlain was very keen on peace.
- Sir Humphrey: Ah, Bernard. How is the Prime Minister and First Lord of the Treasury?
- Bernard Woolley: Sleeping peacefully, Sir Humphrey.
- Godfrey - TV Producer: Prime Minister, would you mind not leaning forward like that? It makes you look as though you're selling insurance.
- Godfrey - TV Producer: And you are leaning forward again a bit.
- James Hacker: That's what I do when I want to look sincere.
- Godfrey - TV Producer: It makes you look like someone who wants to look sincere.
- James Hacker: We want to build a bright future for our children. We want to build a peaceful and prosperous Britain, a Britain that can hold her head high in the fellowship of nations. This is rather good. Who wrote this?
- Godfrey - TV Producer: Actually, it's from the last party political by the leader of the opposition.
- Godfrey - TV Producer: Could we just talk about your appearance, remember? What will you be wearing?
- James Hacker: What do you suggest?
- Godfrey - TV Producer: Well, dark suit represents traditional values.
- James Hacker: Fine, dark suit.
- Godfrey - TV Producer: On the other hand, a light suit looks business-like.
- James Hacker: What about a lightish jacket with a darkish waistcoat?
- Godfrey - TV Producer: I think that would look as though you've got an identity problem.