- James Hacker: Don't we ever get our own way with the French?
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Well, sometimes.
- James Hacker: When was the last time?
- Sir Humphrey Appleby: Battle of Waterloo, 1815.
- Bernard Woolley: [on the phone] Yes, we will want simultaneous translators. Uh, no, not when the P.M. meets the leaders of the English-speaking nations. Yes, the English-speaking nations can be said to include the United States. With a certain generosity of spirit.
- [on the phone, discussing the arrangements for a state funeral]
- Bernard Woolley: No, we can't have alphabetical seating in the Abbey. You'd have Iraq and Iran next to each other. Plus Israel and Jordan all sitting in the same pew. We'd be in danger of starting World War III. I know Ireland begins with an 'I' but no! Ireland doesn't make it any better; Ireland doesn't make anything any better.
- [Bernard Woolley enters the PM's office carrying two files - one considerably larger than the other]
- James Hacker: [indicating the smaller file] What on Earth is that, Bernard?
- Bernard Woolley: It's the Channel Tunnel file, minister.
- James Hacker: What about the other one?
- Bernard Woolley: That's the puppy file.