- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Things you can say about your business, but not your girlfriend."
- Colin Mochrie: It's open twenty-four hours.
- Wayne Brady: I just leased out some space to a buddy of mine out back.
- [leaves the stage, but returns]
- Wayne Brady: Parking in rear.
- Drew Carey: [before "Greatest Hits"] So the name of your album is "Songs of
- [overly enunciating]
- Drew Carey: Horror".
- Colin Mochrie: Hi, we'll be right back to our documentary on stomach rashes, "Talcum in the Middle", in just a second.
- [Ryan growls at Colin]
- Colin Mochrie: Oh! Oh gee, what was that?
- Ryan Stiles: It was frightening, wasn't it?
- Colin Mochrie: It was
- [overly enunciating like Drew]
- Colin Mochrie: hor-ror.
- Ryan Stiles: Hey, you know what, Colin?
- Colin Mochrie: What, Ryan?
- Ryan Stiles: That's what all the songs on this CD set are about: Hor-ror.
- Colin Mochrie: Are you saying that every song on this CD album has to do with hor-ror?
- Ryan Stiles: You bet I am. Eight hundred songs on three hundred CDs.
- Colin Mochrie: That's...
- Ryan Stiles: [interrupting] All about...
- [with Colin]
- Ryan Stiles: hor-ror.
- [by himself]
- Ryan Stiles: You know, Colin,
- [pretends to be in pain]
- Ryan Stiles: oh...
- Colin Mochrie: Hey, what's wrong?
- Ryan Stiles: I've got a bit of a bug.
- [shakes]
- Ryan Stiles: Ooh, and I'm a little jittery. Jittery! Bug! Jittery bug! Jitterbug!
- Colin Mochrie: Wow!
- [sarcastic]
- Colin Mochrie: Nice segue.
- Ryan Stiles: You know... I wasn't alive when the jitterbug was popular, but Colin told me all about it, and it seems like a wonderful, wonderful music style.
- Colin Mochrie: [after the first song in "Greatest Hits"] You know, I remember once, I went to a circus and I saw a strongman bend a car... "Bend a car"? Pat Benatar!
- Ryan Stiles: [laughs] Okay, you've proved your point.
- Colin Mochrie: Yes. You're not the ONLY master of segues. Pat Benatar, oh, I remember listening to her, I guess, after my first hip replacement.
- [glares at Ryan]
- Colin Mochrie: [...]
- [after the second song]
- Colin Mochrie: You know, when I was a jockey...
- Ryan Stiles: [interrupting] Got a bit of a jitterbug.
- Colin Mochrie: Yeah. That was good the FIRST time. You know...
- [pats his legs with his hands]
- Colin Mochrie: I just went like that. You see that?
- [Ryan imitates it]
- Colin Mochrie: When I was a jockey-
- [Ryan chuckles]
- Colin Mochrie: No, I was. For a little while. And in my bed, well, it was more of a cot, the, uh, we had this sort of sanitary paper for the fillies... wait a minute: "Bed cot filly paper"? RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS!
- Ryan Stiles: Nothin' like that.
- [counting on his fingers]
- Ryan Stiles: Bed, cot, filly, paper. Red, Hot, Chili, Peppers. Oh...
- Colin Mochrie: Yeah, like it made sense BEFORE. Anyway, they did a song, and it has to do with hor-rur.
- Ryan Stiles: "Hor-ror"-
- [Colin coughs]
- Ryan Stiles: are you all right?
- Colin Mochrie: I'm fine. I just swallowed my "horror".
- Ryan Stiles: That's gonna cost ya.
- Colin Mochrie: Anyway, they did a song, and it went like this: "Ooh"- no, here's the title.
- [Ryan cracks up]
- Colin Mochrie: I almost started singing it, but...
- Ryan Stiles: That's not your job.
- Colin Mochrie: Leave it to the professionals. Uh, the song is, of course, "Devil, There's a Devil, Whoa Devil, Oh, That's a Devil."