Tales from the Crypt (TV Series)

Judy, You're Not Yourself Today (1990)

John Kassir: Crypt Keeper

Quotes 

• Crypt Keeper : [wearing a blood pack facial mask and a towel on his head]  Oh, hello there, fright fans. I've just been sitting here waiting for my blood pack to harden. My cosmotologist said I was starting to look a little lifeless.

  [laughs] 

  Crypt Keeper : Much better, eh? Which reminds me, tonight's poison parable is about a couple who take their appearance very seriously. Needless to say, they're going to end up trying to save face. I call this one "Judy, You're Not Yourself Today."

• Crypt Keeper : [wearing a medallion necklace]  I still think diamonds are a girl's best friend. You'll be glad to know that, that witch gave up door-to-door sales and joined the Peace Corpse.

  [laughs] 

  Crypt Keeper : Poor Donald. You can't really blame him. He was only trying to give his marriage a shot in the arm

  [fires gun] 

  Crypt Keeper : and in the leg

  [fires gun] 

  Crypt Keeper : and in the head!

  [fires gun; laughs] 

  Crypt Keeper : Sometimes I crack myself up!

  [laughs] 

  Crypt Keeper : Until next time kiddies, pleasant screams!

  [laughs; fires gun]