Tales from the Crypt (TV Series)

Fitting Punishment (1990)

Jon Clair: Bobby Thornberry

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bobby Thornberry : I'm Bobby. Your nephew. Your sister Ruby's kid.

  Uncle Ezra Thornberry : Who? My sister Ruby? Well you can tell that no good sister

  Bobby Thornberry : She's dead, Uncle Ezra.

  Uncle Ezra Thornberry : Oh really, how?

  Bobby Thornberry : Well, she got in a head on collision on I95, killed my daddy too.

  Uncle Ezra Thornberry : Head on, huh? Messy I bet, that's good for business. Charge a pretty penny to make their loved ones look presentable.

• Uncle Ezra Thornberry : [Bobby dribbles a basketball]  You keep messing with that ball, I'll bounce *your* balls right out of here.

  Bobby Thornberry : Sorry, Uncle Ezra.

  Uncle Ezra Thornberry : [points to a gurney]  You can sleep here.

  Bobby Thornberry : Here?

  Uncle Ezra Thornberry : That's right, boy.

  Bobby Thornberry : [pause]  Thanks, Uncle Ezra.

  Uncle Ezra Thornberry : Put some bedding on it, it'll be fine. You know, the righteous need the divine light to see the truth.

  [turns out the light] 

  Uncle Ezra Thornberry : Besides, electricity costs money. Leave the lights alone, boy.

• Uncle Ezra Thornberry : This tub of lard will start to stink in a couple of days, that's why we've got to embalm him. Pass me that tube over there. Cleanliness is next to godliness, don't you know? Hold this.

  [hooks the tube up to the faucet] 

  Uncle Ezra Thornberry : Get in there.

  Bobby Thornberry : Aren't you supposed to use chemicals or something?

  Uncle Ezra Thornberry : He's dead, you damn fool, he doesn't know the difference. Besides, those chemicals cost money. Just like it says in the Bible, a penny saved is a penny earned.

  Bobby Thornberry : Didn't Ben Franklin say that?

  Uncle Ezra Thornberry : [hits him]  Don't you contradict me, boy!

• Bobby Thornberry : What's all this Chinese writing on the box?

  Uncle Ezra Thornberry : Made in Taiwan, you dummy. Half the price of US made. They're 6 inches shorter you know. The Taiwanese are smaller people, and I can use the coffins for most folks, no one knows the difference. And I charge full price.

• Bobby Thornberry : How could you sell my shoes!

  Uncle Ezra Thornberry : Don't you raise your voice at me, boy! Look at you, you're nothing but a helpless cripple! What're you going to do with shoes? All you're doing is costing me money, you're nothing but a damned burden!

  Bobby Thornberry : Well you should've thought of that before hitting me with the crowbar! I ought to call the sheriff.