Stagecoach West (TV Series)

Three Wise Men (1960)

Robert Bray: Simon Kane

Quotes 

• [three formidable looking men carrying rifles ride down Main Street] 

  Cal : Huh. Strangers in town?

  Simon Kane : Yeah. Doesn't look like they're gonna stop long enough to get acquainted either.

  Cal : Well, that's just fine with me. I never did like a man come ridin' in with a rifle in his lap.

• [referring to the three men brandishing rifles as they rode through tonw] 

  Cal : Could be they're chasin' somebody.

  Simon Kane : Or runnin' from somebody.

  Cal : Could be their chasin' the man that robbed Old Man Strauss last night.

  Simon Kane : Hadn't heard about it.

  Cal : Yeah! They found the old man this morning all trussed up like a turkey and a gag in his mouth. Sure... Funny thing about it, Sime... he was all bedded down real comfortable and a blanket over him. Ha! I never heard of a robber doin' that before.

  Simon Kane : Yuletide spirit, Cal.

• [In the spirit of Christmas, Simon offers Webb a free ride in his stagecoach] 

  Webb Crawford : I promised myself I'd spend Christmas with me wife and kids.

  Simon Kane : Well, we're wasting time then. Get inside.

  Webb Crawford : This is the first time I ever knew Saint Nick drove a six-up. I always heard he heard he used eight reindeer.

• Webb Crawford : Well, one thing you can say, Mr. Kane - your turkey didn't go to waste.

  Simon Kane : Well, it sure went someplace.

  Susan Crawford : I just can't tell you how grateful we are.

  Luke Perry : Well, ma'am, we're the ones who oughta be grateful to you. You see, if Simon had brought home that bird, I was the one who was due to cook it and I guarantee you it wouldn't have tasted like this.

  Davey Kane : I guarantee it wouldn't have, either.

  Simon Kane : Davey, on this night we refrain from criticizing our fellow man.

  Davey Kane : Oh, you've eaten as much of Luke's cooking as I have.

  Simon Kane : That's why I'm not saying anything.

• Simon Kane : It took you long enough getting here.

  Luke Perry : I was tryin' to make up my mind whether I should get here at all. You mind letting me have one of those?

  [Luke reaches for one of the guns Simon is holding] 

  Simon Kane : What's wrong with the one you've got?

  Luke Perry : Well, you see, that Mr. Crawford was a real thorough man. He pulled the loads from this and hid all the shells. I wasn't kiddin' when I said this thing wasn't loaded with rock salt. It's not loaded with anything.

• Simon Kane : I'm going to give you a choice. There's a man who inside who's asking nothing from the law except to spend what may be his last Christmas with his family. Now that doesn't seem like an awful lot to me. Does it to you?

  Boone : No, sir. It sure don't, Mister. I'm a family man myself.

  Simon Kane : If you're deputized you have my word I'll turn Crawford over to you in the morning. Meanwhile, you can either step inside and act like human beings or I'll have Luke cut your horses loose and you can walk. It's up to you.

  Boone : Well, it may be hard for them to act like human beings, Mister, but I give you my word you can trust me.

  Simon Kane : I believe you.

  Boone : Good. Now can I have my gun back?

  Simon Kane : I don't believe you that much.

• [the clock strikes midnight] 

  Simon Kane : Gentlemen, a Merry Christmas to all.

  Webb Crawford : And to all a good night.