- Janice Soprano: Why Didnt you call 911?
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: With what, my fucking toes?
- Tony Soprano: [to Richie Aprile] Don't give me your fucking Manson lamps. Just fucking stop it. Understand?
- Tony Soprano: You know we're the only country in the world where the pursuit of happiness is guaranteed in writing? You believe that? Bunch of fucking spoiled brats. Where's my happiness then?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's the pursuit that's guaranteed.
- Tony Soprano: Yeah. Always a fucking loophole, right?
- Tony Soprano: Got any blow?
- Richie Aprile: [Surprised] what?
- Tony Soprano: Blow, coke, you don't keep it on you? I've got to go to the deli in Nutley?
- Richie Aprile: Tony...
- Tony Soprano: [Interrupts him] you don't sell that shit along those routes you understand me?
- Richie Aprile: I'm working with Junior on this
- Tony Soprano: I don't give a shit if you're working with Wal-Mart, knock it the fuck off
- Richie Aprile: I'm trying to earn here, we're saving for a house
- Tony Soprano: You got enough on your plate just picking up garbage
- Richie Aprile: Not if you and that cock sucker Borone won't let me "expand"
- Tony Soprano: Are you stupid? Or what? After five years the cops are finally leaving garbage alone. A drug bust on one of those routes is a different story, you got the FBI, you got the DEA, and all those fuckin pricks are going to breathing down our necks again
- Richie Aprile: It's a little coke, what is the big deal?
- Tony Soprano: You and my uncle, you want to deal drugs? That's your business. You do it on association garbage routes it's my business. It stops today, you got it?
- Richie Aprile: [Remains silent, while staring]
- Tony Soprano: [Telling him to stop staring] don't give me your fuckin Manson lamps. Just fucking stop. Another thing: don't tip our truck on a problem customer. You know I fuckin hate how you make me fuckin ride you. Now get the fuck out of here
- Tracy: [after adjusting the face mask of the CPAP machine to cover his mouth and nose] ok all set, it'll ramp up to eight pounds per cubic inch, just keep your airway nice and open when your sleeping
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: I don't snore
- Tracy: oh, don't be embarrassed, obstructive sleep apnea is serious, every time your airway closes down and you wake up fighting for breath, it puts tremendous strain on your heart. Dr. Douglas Schreck is absolutely right in prescribing this for you
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: it makes me look like a sick man
- Tracy: you're not sick
- Tracy: [referring to waking up at night] but testing shows REM-wise you have forty arousals per hour
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: [while taking off the face mask of the CPAP machine, referring to "arousals" as an erection because she's attractive] , more since I met you, what a such thing to say
- Tracy: [amused] "arousals" meaning a change in your stages of sleep, you are such a flirt. I'll stop tomorrow to see how you did ok?
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: [smiling, continuing to flirt with her] I'm counting the beats
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: [after looking through the refrigerator] where's that fuckin Manicotti?
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: It's gone
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: Half a fuckin tray in there
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: I was hungry
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: Son of a bitch
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: You know it's not my fault you got your hand caught, why'd you have to be so nasty?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: So, what's up?
- Tony Soprano: I don't know, I'm bored or something. I don't want to come here no more
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Wow, that's not the first time we've heard you say that
- Tony Soprano: No offense but let's face it, this is starting to feel like a waste of time. I'm sure for the both of us
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I don't feel that way
- Tony Soprano: Like the other day I'm watching this movie with Brad Pitt and that blonde Gwyneth Paltrow,
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Sliding Doors?
- Tony Soprano: Fuck no, Seven. It's a good movie, I've never seen it before, but half way through it I'm thinking this is bullshit, it's a waste of my fuckin time, why do I give a fuck who the killer is? What difference is that information going to make in my life?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Very true
- Tony Soprano: So, I shut it off
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Good for you, what did you do instead?
- Tony Soprano: [Jokingly] went outside and burned ants with a magnifying glass
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Remains silent]
- Tony Soprano: [Sensing she doesn't realize it was a joke] a little sense of humor here?
- Tony Soprano: What's the matter? You still in mourning over managed care?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Go on
- Tony Soprano: What's the point? You go to Italy you lift some weights, you watch a movie, It's all a series of distractions until you die
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I hear depression talking
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Becoming irritated] Well, I'm not upping my dosage. Medication, medication, medication, what do I got to show for it?
- Tony Soprano: Who knows where you'd be without the medication? Anyway some people take pleasure in the simple doing of things
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: The things I take pleasure in I can't do. I'm currently trying to change my "business profile", if you know what I mean
- Tony Soprano: Oh, so it's all about your legal problems?
- Tony Soprano: I'm trying to keep a low profile, what's the fuckin point? I'm still a miserable prick and I'm still passing out
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Remains silent]
- Tony Soprano: Well, you seem very mellow today?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Let's talk about you
- Tony Soprano: [Eventually referring to the suicide of the actor George Sanders] You seem like you're on drugs and I'm boring myself to death and I'm ready for the "George Sanders long walk here"
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you know why a shark keeps moving?
- Tony Soprano: [while rubbing his head] they gotta keep moving or they'll die or something
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: [Meeting privately in Junior's doctor's office] that coke provides a nice income stream you have any ideas the bills I got?
- Tony Soprano: Just keep it away from the garbage routes
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: The lawyers, the doctors, the double sawbuck for a plastic pillow just so I can sit comfortably
- Tony Soprano: Why don't you just sit on that nice pile of cash you got?
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: My finances are nobody's God damn business
- Tony Soprano: [Referring to Richie] The garbage is my business and I don't want you and that shit bird fuckin it up
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: [Amused] Your business?
- Tony Soprano: Yeah, why don't you get it through that bald dome of yours?
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: Why does everything have to be so difficult? You know back in the fifties we worked together. Even rival families settled their differences amicably
- Tony Soprano: [Sarcastically] oh yeah, I remember that picture of Albert Anastasia lying there all "amicable" on the barber shop floor
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: There were exceptions: I'm just saying
- Neil Mink: [after Tony places a case of champagne on his desk] what's all this?
- Tony Soprano: [jokingly] you looked thirsty the last time I saw you
- Tony Soprano: [sarcastically as Neil gives Tony back a bag of money he asked him to hold for him] Oh, yeah, I knew I left this some place
- Neil Mink: [walks to the front of his desk] Anything new?
- Tony Soprano: You know, keeping busy
- Neil Mink: [while lighting a cigar for Tony] Carmela? The kids?
- Tony Soprano: Good, you know school shit
- Neil Mink: You bet that game last night?
- Tony Soprano: [referring to the bag of money] Yeah, what'd you think I need this for?
- Tony Soprano: [after sitting down] so, what do I owe you counselor?
- Neil Mink: you pay me when I actually have to do something
- Tony Soprano: Let's hope that fuckin day never comes right?
- Neil Mink: It almost did very recently
- Tony Soprano: [sarcastically] here we go: the Neil Mink lecture series
- Neil Mink: well, isn't it fair to say we were staring into the abyss? A very close call with the brush on that murder beef
- Tony Soprano: I told you, I was home alone
- Neil Mink: [jokingly] you and Macaulay Culkin: except neither one of you would've been alone. Champagne's nice. You want to give me a real gift? Insulate yourself from these shenanigans, I told you once already
- Tony Soprano: [irritated] I do, I am, what the fuck do you want from me?
- Neil Mink: [sternly] Use one of the businesses we've got doing something besides showing income on a tax return: spend some time at Garden State Refinery
- Tony Soprano: Oh, please, do you know what boiling fat smells like?
- Neil Mink: you have an office at Barone Sanitation: get your ass out of that strip club and go there
- Tony Soprano: Alright, I hear ya
- Neil Mink: the FEDS are a business, millions of tax dollars in watching your ass. Sooner or later, just like you, their gonna want a return on that investment
- Catherine: [referring to the hospital policies] It's all about the insurance
- Catherine: [while sitting in a wheelchair, gestures to her son standing behind her] You remember my Chuckie?
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: Little Chuckie, he drove the bike for the butcher's?
- Catherine: He's a cop now, like his father: a detective
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: [referring to her deceased husband, asking about the cause of death] He was a good egg your Lou, a real straight shooter, had a lot of class, Hodgins, no?
- Catherine: It's been almost fifteen years
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: That long?
- Catherine: [referring to when her husband passed on] It was the week the shuttle exploded: the pension helps, the grandchildren. You look good, are you healthy?
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: A little heart trouble, nothing much, you broke your ankle?
- Catherine: Bunions, are you still in Belville?
- Tony Soprano: [after meeting Barone's secretary] Nice rack
- Dick Barone: Born Again Christian
- Tony Soprano: [intrigued] Oh yeah?
- Dick Barone: Listen, while I have you here we may have a little problem: Richie Aprile
- Tony Soprano: Yeah, I know, I heard he tipped the truck at the deli in Nutley
- Dick Barone: Fucking guy but that's not it. One of our drivers, Richie's got him running an operation selling blow along the routes: now the Department of Sanitation I can handle but if the DEA gets involved, we're gonna lose our 901
- Tony Soprano: Son of a fuckin bitch
- Dick Barone: I'm sorry, I don't like to break your balls
- Tony Soprano: You know that piece of shit is gonna be my brother-in-law? Nice huh?
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: [after he hands him an envelope, referring to the envelope short of money] It's "light"
- Richie Aprile: You got your nephew to thank for that
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: What'd you mean?
- Richie Aprile: I ran into him the other day, at the garbageman's ball, whatever the fuck it is: he says we can't sell coke on the route anymore
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: What?
- Richie Aprile: It's what he said, I guess nobody should eat but him. You should see him in the golf outfit, he looked like Wallace Beery
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: [angrily] Where does he get the... fuckin balls?
- Richie Aprile: He's the boss
- Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: And this shit is ok with you?
- Richie Aprile: I know you how much you love him, I don't want to say anything disparaging
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [during her therapy session, referring to Tony] the RICO Act: we sat there and we talked about the fucking RICO Act
- Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: When you treat different patients, your "base of knowledge" expands
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Two years ago, I thought Rico was a relative of his
- Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Cards on the table time: How's the drinking?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [sighs] I don't know, worse, I guess?
- Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Are you not an alcoholic?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I am drinking in-between sessions
- Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: That's very serious
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Just on the days that I see him... I can't take it
- Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Finally, thank you. Are you taking steps to seriously end it?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: He wanted to end it: he said last time he wanted to stop coming but I talked him out of it
- Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Why?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: If I was at wit's end and if he had a Pituitary tumor, why would I stop him from coming?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [after he doesn't respond] It's like that thing with watching a train wreck. I'm afraid and repulsed of what he might tell me but somehow, I can't stop myself on wanting to hear it
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [during her therapy session] I embarrassed my son: how's he supposed to know where this type of behavior is coming from?
- Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: is it time you considered a twelve-step program?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'm not an alcoholic, besides I have you
- Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: therapy is not a substitute, you know that
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I won't... drink with my son anymore
- Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: we're bargaining now?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'll also go to a meeting
- Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: [nods] I'll also prescribe Luvox
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [surprised] Luvox? It's for OCD
- Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: among other things, I've... had success with it treating other things as well
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [embarrassed] compulsions? Come on
- Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: [referring to her treating Tony] your patient, your inability to bring the therapy to a conclusion
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I honestly believe that his not ready
- Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: refer him to another doctor
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: you really think that I'm...
- Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: [interrupts her] obsessed?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [realizing his diagnosis is correct, irritated] Luvox... Jesus Christ
- Dr. Baumgartner: [while looking at his rash, speculating on the cause] any allergies? Shellfish perhaps?
- Tony Soprano: no, I eat shrimp all the time
- Dr. Baumgartner: MSG? Any change in medication?
- Tony Soprano: no
- Dr. Baumgartner: a new laundry detergent, something like that?
- Tony Soprano: I don't know, I don't think so
- Dr. Baumgartner: have you... ever been under any "undue" stress lately?
- Tony Soprano: [irritated, referring to medical professionals] is that the only word you people know?
- Dr. Baumgartner: sometimes pressure can result in Contact Dermatitis
- Tony Soprano: [surprised, while pointing to it] oh, is that what that is? See? Now, I knew that was bad
- Dr. Baumgartner: it means "rash"
- Tony Soprano: [annoyed] look at it, it's bleeding for Christ's sake
- Dr. Baumgartner: you've been scratching it. You said you work at a sanitation transfer station, "dollars to donuts", you'd be exposed to an irritant in the air
- Tony Soprano: I sit in an office
- Dr. Baumgartner: I'll write you a prescription for a cortisone cream. Dr. Cusamano tells me you've been seeing a psychotherapist
- Tony Soprano: so?
- Dr. Baumgartner: I suggest you talk about "stress management" with him
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: There's a psychological condition known as alexithymia, common in certain personalities. The individual craves almost ceaseless action, which enables them to avoid acknowledging the abhorrent things they do.
- [Dr Melfi further expounds that their is a high correlation between this condition and anti-social personalities]