- Chip Rommel: I can't believe I'm going to see a naked woman.
- Kimberlee Clark: Chip, she's dead.
- Chip Rommel: I know, but she's still going to be naked.
- Mayor Anita Massengil: What the Sam Hill is going on here?
- Kimberlee Clark: Mayor, there's been a murder.
- B.J. Cummings: And we think somebody's been killed.
- Naked Weightlifter Woman: This guy tried to kill me. I never saw his face. All I saw was his, um, member.
- Kimberlee Clark: You mean his penis?
- Notch Johnson: [everybody gasps] Kimberlee, you said a dirty word.
- B.J. Cummings: [Kimberlee rolls her eyes] If "penis" came out of my lips, I'd get my mouth washed out.
- Naked Weightlifter Woman: Please, help me!
- Notch Johnson: Ma'am, we are gonna get our hands on this member, no matter how hard it is. And when we do, the penalty will be stiff.
- Kimberlee Clark: Uh, Notch...
- Notch Johnson: Oh, you're right, Kimberlee. I'm getting cocky. Now let's go catch a murderer.
- B.J. Cummings: Why would your son kill those dead girls?
- Digger's Mother: He's angry at me. See, I used to be a stripper.
- Notch Johnson: Well, that's a dirty racket. What do you do now?
- Digger's Mother: I'm a crack whore.
- Notch Johnson: Well, good for you. You gave up stripping.
- B.J. Cummings: Didn't somebody just say that Kimberlee's on a date with Digger?
- Chip Rommel: Yeah, B.J. You did.
- B.J. Cummings: That's right! I knew I heard it somewhere.