Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Barber (1993)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• George Costanza : I show up. I pretend I have the job. The guy's on vacation. If I have the job, it's fine. If I don't have the job, by the time he comes back, I'm ensconced.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Hmm, not bad.

  George Costanza : What's the worst thing that can happen?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Well, you'd be embarrassed and humiliated in front of a large group of people and have to walk out in shame with you tail between your legs.

  George Costanza : Yeah, so?

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : The old-fashioned barbershop is, unfortunately, becoming a thing of the past. Now, what went wrong? Well, first of all, he needs a $20,000 chair to make a $3 tip. I say cut back on the chair, update the magazines. Why do barbers always display that license? There's no laws in hair cutting. But show customers the back of their head. That's the one law. I don't want to see the back of my head. Why do I want to see something that I won't see at any other time? When I buy pants, two salesmen don't lift me up by the legs and go: "How do you like the crotch?" If I wanted to see everything, I would've been a fly.