- [first lines]
- Victor Meldrew: I'm really glad we arrived back to find this half-eaten double whopper with cheese lying in my front rose-bed. Some people put manure in theirs, but I'll have none of it. A double whopper with cheese is the thing. Harry Wheatcroft swears by them.
- Margaret Meldrew: I presume Nick Stacey gave you his verdict on that overflow pipe in the loft.
- Victor Meldrew: He did, yes.
- Margaret Meldrew: Told me the pipe was a complete write-off. "Corroded away to begorra," he said.
- Victor Meldrew: "Buggery" I think you'll find.
- Margaret Meldrew: Sorry?
- Victor Meldrew: Corroded away to buggery. It's a technical term they use in the plumbing industry.