Photos
Quotes
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Jimmy James : [Presenting Joe the box of "movie memorabilia" he bought] Check this out.
Joe Garrelli : A Clark bar?
Jimmy James : No, *the* Clark bar, from Looking for Mr. Clarkbar.
Joe Garrelli : Sir, have you ever even been to a movie?
Jimmy James : What about this?
[Pulls out a stuffed beaver]
Jimmy James : Basic Instinct.
Joe Garrelli : That's not the right one.
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Joe Garrelli : Wait a minute, sir. Haven't you heard the phrase, "The man who represents himself has a fool for a client"?
Jimmy James : All right, then who do you suggest?
Joe Garrelli : Me.
Jimmy James : All right!
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Judge : Is this your counsul?
Joe Garrelli : Yes, your honor. The Master Builder waits at the pyramids.
Judge : I beg your pardon?
Joe Garrelli : I bet you do.
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Joe Garrelli : Mr. Lindsey, is this your skull?
George Lindsey : [Inspects skull carefully] No.
Joe Garrelli : No further questions, Your Honor.
Judge : Mr. Lindsey, you are dismissed.
George Lindsey : That's it?
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Joe Garrelli : Mr. James's case is in the bag, because I know something the other side doesn't.
Dave Nelson : What's that?
Joe Garrelli : That all federal judges are members of an obscure sect of the Freemasons.
Jimmy James : Wait a minute. You're telling me that our entire case is based on all judges being Masons?
Joe Garrelli : There' more to it than that. There is a secret word that, when uttered, forces the judge to rule in your favor, then go to a secret location to paddle themselves in a secret ceremony.
Dave Nelson : What is it?
Joe Garrelli : I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
Dave Nelson : All right, but it better be good.