- [Dave has hired an ex-friend of Beth's to work with her for the day]
- Dave: What's up? I mean, did she steal your old high school sweetheart or something?
- Beth: Oh, yes, because whenever two women are fighting it's obviously over a man, because, you know, men are all important and women are nothing. Men are great! All hail King Man!
- [pause]
- Beth: But yeah, she did steal my high school sweetheart.
- Jimmy: You know, there's some sort of speed control on here, somewhere.
- Beth: Oh, hang on, hang on, here are the instructions for the shredder.
- Jimmy: Wait, wait a minute, wait, wait, wait, wait. Shredding the instructions for the shredder. Talk about your mind blowing irony. Dare I?
- Beth: Oh, ah, Sir, I...
- Jimmy: Let's do it. Go, baby, go!
- [Drops manual in shredder]
- Jimmy: Now, where the hell's that speed control?
- Security Guard: [catches Bill crawling through the security entrance] You know, up high, down low, in the middle, I still need to see some ID.
- Jimmy: [after shredding Matthew's heart-shaped chocolate box] Shredding a heart. If that's not a metaphor for something, I don't know what is.
- Beth: [looking through files] Mr James, comma, Water Investment, comma, White?
- Jimmy: [takes file] I never invested in any water. No water. What, are you talking about water? This is silly.
- Dave: Well, sir, doesn't that actually mean "White Water Investment"?
- Jimmy: Doesn't what means "White Water Investment"?
- [Shreds file]
- Dave: That file.
- Jimmy: What file?
- Bill McNeal: You've broken my spirit. What can I do but turn around and go home? Now, could any of you lend me a quarter for the pay phone?
- Security Guard: Here.
- Bill McNeal: Ha! You've just signed your termination papers. I'm gonna call your supervisor and have you both fired.
- Guard #2: Should we tell him that phone is out of order?
- Security Guard: Nah, I think he'll figure it out.
- Bill McNeal: Thanks for helping me get by those two idiots.
- Lisa: Bill, they're not idiots, they're just doing their job.
- Bill McNeal: Right, just like those guys at the bank were just doing their job when they repossessed my farm.
- Lisa: You never owned a farm.
- Bill McNeal: Farm, boat, same difference.
- Matthew Brock: So you told them that it was company policy not to date employees?
- Dave: That's right.
- Joe Garrelli: Wait a minute, what about you and Lisa?
- Dave: This policy only applies to Matthew.
- Joe Garrelli: That makes no sense at all!
- Matthew Brock: Yeah, it does. You'd be surprised how many company policies apply only to me.
- Lisa: What's going on ?
- Beth: Oh, we're re-filing old news stories from the past three years. Dave discovered that the old station manager had a rather unique filing system.
- Lisa: What's unique ?
- Beth: Well, name a topic - I'll tell you how it was filed.
- Lisa: OK - taxi cabs.
- Beth: Taxi cabs. That would be under "Yellow, comma, things that are".
- Lisa: Ooh, that makes sense - right next to bananas.
- Beth: Ah, no. Actually, bananas are under "Fruits, comma, ones that I'm allergic to".
- Lisa: Ass, comma, sounds like this job is a pain in the.
- Beth: Much, comma, thank you very.