- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ass-kissing on the Hill is a skill.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: So is castration.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I wear a cup.
- [last lines]
- Abby Sciuto: [pointing to Chip who's hog-tied after trying to attack her] *Now* can I work alone?
- Jimmy Palmer: I'll bet Tony made some unseemly comment about these legs, didn't he?
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Why would he do that, Mr. Palmer?
- Jimmy Palmer: I just mean, uh, knowing Tony - They're fairly shapely legs, Doctor.
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Yes. Nobody had the bad taste to verbalize such a thought, until now.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [teasing] You set this up, didn't you?
- Officer Ziva David: I would never... Okay, maybe I would, but... I didn't.
- Abby Sciuto: And don't worry Tony, the chances of even one of your teeth matching are like 100,000 to one.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Do it, Abby.
- [the program matches all of Tony's teeth to the bite marks]
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I know what you have to do, Jethro, and I won't stop you. But officially, I am suspending you from investigating this further, and I am turning it over to the FBI.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I know... One request.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I'll see that Fornell runs the investigation. I always could read your mind.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs flashes back] Not always, Jen.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I heard you were quitting.
- NCIS Special Agent David Brant: I like to refer to it as a lateral move into the recreational sector, Jethro.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: You know maybe you should expand the list, just to include people that just hate you.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Hate me? Nobody hates me.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Paula Cassidy.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Don't go there! People like me. I'm a nice guy!
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: What about the, ah, woman that posted your picture on the herpes-alert website?
- Officer Ziva David: Oh, oh! What about your ex-girlfriend, *Monica*?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, I always break up with them, when I find out they're married, *Ziva*.
- FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: I'll take care of him.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I know. But I wanna be kept in the loop.
- FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Oh, now I'm hurt. Are you saying you don't trust me?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Whoever set this up, Tobias, is a pro. If this were to go to court right now, DiNozzo would not stand a chance.
- Abby Sciuto: Because if this goes to court, with his finger print and his bite mark on the leg, Tony's gonna go to prison for the rest of his life. And *I'll* be the one to put him there.
- FBI Agent Ron Sacks: [after interrogating DiNozzo] This guy is implicated in a homicide and he's making jokes!
- FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You've never worked with NCIS before, have you Agent Sacks.
- Officer Ziva David: We have a warrant.
- George Petri: For what? I didn't do anything wrong.
- Officer Ziva David: Oh no? I can think of two things. Framing an NCIS agent for murder and really, really, really pissing him off.
- [indicating Gibbs]
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [as they start to cross a stream] Here, let me give you a hand...
- Officer Ziva David: No, no, no, no. It's lovely that chivalry is not dead, Doctor, but in the Army I swam three miles across the Red Sea after scaling rough cliffs without safety lines.
- [cups Ducky's cheeks and taps him on the nose]
- Officer Ziva David: I believe I can manage.
- [She takes one step, slips with a yell and falls backwards, toppling herself, Ducky and their equipment into the stream with a great splash]
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: How refreshing: an independent woman!
- [They both laugh heartily]
- Abby Sciuto: [in an evangelical tone] For a second, I lost my faith in...
- [makes an expansive gesture]
- Abby Sciuto: But now I know that forensics was just testing me, and I will rise up, and I will find the man that did this to Tony, and I will *crucify* him!
- [Tony is mumbling around a dental cast in his mouth]
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Hold still!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [subtitles] Cooon't yooo haaa uuuued my een-al ray-corss?
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: This is far faster and more accurate than your x-rays.
- [Ducky plucks out the cast]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Not known for your bedside manner, are you there, Duck?
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: You're just upset that I didn't have peppermint.
- Officer Ziva David: [reading from a heavy reference book] For a Caucasian female, a factor of 2.90 is multiplied by the tibia length...
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [typing] Okay, autopsy report says tibia is 38.34 centimeters.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What are you doing?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: We are calculating our Jane Doe's probable height and weight.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Why didn't you ask me?
- Officer Ziva David: [rolls her eyes] Tony, these are complex equations we're dealing with.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Whatever, she was, what... five-eight? So she's like 125, 126 pounds.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Okay, 111.186 for adipose. Density of musculature?
- Officer Ziva David: Add 61.53.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: 172.72 centimeters for height...
- Officer Ziva David: Ducky estimates 57.0 kilograms in weight.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Converting to imperial... and we're done.
- [They look at the results]
- Officer Ziva David: [in disbelief] She's five-foot-eight.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [in disbelief] One-twenty-five-and-a-half pounds.
- [They both look at Tony, who shrugs modestly]