"My Family" A Handful of Dust (TV Episode 2002) Poster

(TV Series)

(2002)

Zoë Wanamaker: Susan Harper

Quotes 

  • Ben : [to Janey]  How dare you not be gay? Good God! You put us through anxiety, anger, confusion, doubt, anger...

    Susan : You said anger.

    Ben : I was angry twice!

  • [first lines] 

    Susan : Happy birthday, dear!

    Ben : Hah! Eh. Thank you. Wow! Mmm, the smell of eggs and bacon; my favourite.

    Susan : Actually I'm boiling up some of Nick's underwear.

  • Susan : So, Kate, any plans while you're down here? Shopping, maybe?

    Kate : Actually I've come down for the opening of the Lesbian and Gay Film Festival. Then I'm off to a seminar on lesbians in the third world, and then I thought I'd pop into the Lesbian Bookshop for a browse.

    Susan : So I take it you're a...

    Kate : Lesbian. Yes.

    Susan : Looking forward to a packed and... exciting weekend.

    Ben : Doing lesbian things.

  • Ben : So, er... I'm ready.

    Susan : Corn flakes in the cupboard.

    Ben : You little pixie! Stop it! I meant my presents!

    Susan : I didn't get you any presents.

    Ben : Oh... OK...

    Susan : You said you didn't want any fuss. I took you at your word.

    Ben : Er, yeah. I said I didn't want any fuss. I didn't say I didn't want anything!

  • Ben : How come nobody does what I say except when I don't want them to?

    Susan : Because you confuse us.

  • Ben : [Checks mail for his birthday card]  Oh, this is fantastic. Great. It comes to something when your own mother forgets your birthday.

    Susan : She didn't forget. I rang her and told her you didn't want any fuss.

  • Susan : You didn't really think I'd ignore your birthday, did you?

    Ben : No, I'm happy being ignored. I just want a bit of peace and solitude.

  • Susan : Well, I've got a surprise for you.

    Ben : I don't like surprises.

    Susan : You'll like this one.

    Ben : What is it?

    Susan : If I tell you, it won't be a surprise any more.

    Ben : Give me a hint.

    Susan : Janey's coming for the weekend.

    Ben : Give me a different hint.

    Susan : Erm... she's asked if she could bring a friend along.

    Ben : And you said no?

    Susan : Yes.

    Ben : Good.

    Susan : No, I said yes.

    Ben : What did you say that for?

    Susan : Don't be naive. She wouldn't have come if she couldn't bring her boyfriend.

    Ben : And your point is?

    Susan : You'll have your whole family round your for your birthday.

    Ben : Oh, how lovely. Plus some hairy arsed, smelly student layabout!

  • Susan : How lovely that you came all this way for your dad's birthday!

    Janey Harper : What? It's what any daughter would have done - after three hours of phone calls, 15 emails and a mobile jammed with text messages!

    Susan : It's what any mother would have done!

  • Susan : It's good Kate's a lesbian.

    Ben : Yeah. Yeah, it's great.

    Susan : There are many notable lesbians in history. Catherine the Great.

    Ben : Oh, name says it all!

    Susan : KD Lang.

    Ben : Wonderful voice! Sharon Simpson.

    Susan : Who's she?

    Ben : One of my patients. Lovely teeth. And she pays on time - which, you know, I think is... is great.

  • Susan : Oh, Ben?

    Ben : Huh?

    Susan : Could you get my toothbrush? It's in our bedroom.

    Ben : What do you want your toothbrush for?

    Susan : I want to design a cathedral. What do you think I want it for?

  • Susan : Well?

    Ben : It wasn't there.

    Susan : What wasn't there?

    Ben : Your toothbrush.

    Susan : Forget the toothbrush. What were they doing?

    Ben : Kate was reading a book and Janey was cleaning her teeth with her toothbrush.

    Susan : What else were they doing?

    Ben : Giggling.

    Susan : What sort of giggling?

    Ben : Susan, I don't kn... There is no Beaufort Scale of giggling ranging from 0 - Heterosexual Smirk to 12 - Gale-force Bald Dyke Guffaw!

  • Ben : Susan, I've told you, the toothbrush isn't there.

    Susan : I don't care about the toothbrush - it's here.

    Ben : You sent me up there on a fool's errand!

    Susan : You seemed like the right man for the job!

    Ben : Very good. Susan, while you spend all that time trying to trick me into spying on them, I go into a bedroom where two girls are sharing a bed. And guess what? They're sharing a bed. In fact, it was you who suggested they share a bed, as I recall. So, the only thing I've learned from this pointless exercise is where your bloody toothbrush is!

    Susan : Which is why I sent you there in the first place!

    Ben : Well, I'm not going again! OK? You're not tricking me into going there again! And now I've got a headache! Oh, god, where's the aspirin?

    Susan : I think there's some in the side table in our bedroom.

  • Janey Harper : Oh, by the way, mum, is it alright if we borrowed the car today?

    Susan : Of course it is, dear. It's fine by us.

    Janey Harper : Great!

    Susan : It's your life. Whatever you do, you're still our daughter and we'll always love you. Anything else you'd like?

    Janey Harper : Yeah - £2,000.

    Ben : What?

    Susan : Of course, dear. We could even make it £3,000.

    Ben : Yeah, or we could throw in the house and the furniture as well!

    Janey Harper : No, no, no, no, no! That's far too much! I'll just settle for backpacking in the Far East for a year. You know, to find myself.

    Ben : Well, that's alright. I'll give you a clue - you're here in my kitchen. There. Saved you a year off!

  • Janey Harper : Mum, I'm so depressed.

    Susan : Hold that thought, Janey. Ben!

    Ben : Mmhmm?

    Susan : Janey's depressed. We need to talk.

    Ben : I'll wait in the kitchen.

    Susan : Sit!

  • Janey Harper : Mum, dad, there's something I need to tell you.

    Susan : [while holding Ben's hand]  Yes?

    Janey Harper : I don't know how to say this. But I mean... the thing is... I'm shallow.

    Ben : [Nods in agreement]  Shallow?

    Susan : Are you sure, dear?

    Janey Harper : Yes! Yes, I've been trying to hide it; bury it deep in my inner self. But it turns out I haven't got one!

  • Janey Harper : I'm never confused, mum! I'm too shallow!

    Susan : She's not shallow, is she, Ben?

    Ben : Hmm? Well, I... I suppose we've always secretly known it, y'know?

    Susan : No, we haven't.

    Ben : All those tell-tale signs: the magazines under the bed. Tatler, Vogue, Hello! magazine.

    Susan : That's not all she reads.

    Janey Harper : Actually, it is!

  • Susan : Janey, I've always taught you it doesn't matter what other people think about you.

    Janey Harper : You haven't got a clue, mum! What other people think about you is the whole point of being shallow!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs


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