- Magnum: [narrating] When I write my book on how to be a world class private investigator, I'm going to include two rules on how to tail a car. The first is: when you choose a nondescript car for tailing, don't pick one so nondescript it's obvious. The guys following my new friend were so unnoticable it was like they had a red flag on the hood. The second rule is: don't get so busy tailing you forget to look behind you. These yo-yos had no idea I was behind them.
- [Higgins has just hit Magnum in the face to defend Jennifer's honour]
- Higgins: By God, I lost my temper. I haven't done that in twenty years. I'm resorting to physical violence like some tawdry melodrama.
- Jennifer: I think your actually quite wonderful, the nearest, dearest thing I've seen to a hero in a very long time...
- [Jennifer sighs]
- Jennifer: ...but could you please put your arm around me because I just might cry.
- Higgins: I will make amends for that barbarian.
- Higgins: These bully boys, exactly what do they look like?
- Magnum: One of them was a sumo wrestler...
- [Magnum lowers his voice, embarrassed to tell the rest]
- Magnum: ...the other was a midget or a dwarf.
- Higgins: What?
- Magnum: [raises his voice angrily] A midget or a dwarf!
- Higgins: [raises his eyebrows] Really? No bearded ladies, trapeze artists? Where was the rest of the circus?
- [at the club, Magnum is sitting with Rick and TC. A young British woman sits at a table, reading. Higgins passes nearby]
- Jennifer: Excuse me, please.
- Higgins: Yes?
- Jennifer: By any chance, are you an official of this club?
- Higgins: Well, not exactly, but I daresay I'm not entirely without influence. How may I be of service?
- Jennifer: That man... well, he's staring at me.
- Higgins: Exactly which one?
- Jennifer: I'm afraid it is the one who appears to have gone out in his underwear.
- Higgins: Ah, yes. Rest assured I'll attend to it immediately.
- [Higgins approaches Magnum, Rick and TC. Jenny sips from her tea, looking at Higgins intently]
- Theodore 'TC' Calvin: Rick, I'm telling you, either the small businessman has to expand or get demolished. I have to move up or move out.
- Rick: Given your financial statement, did you ever consider buying a balsawood kit and a couple of rubber bands?
- [Rick and Magnum laugh]
- Theodore 'TC' Calvin: Say, I'm serious. This ain't funny.
- Higgins: If I may interrupt this assemblage...
- Rick: Why don't you pull up a chair and sit down, Higgins?
- Magnum: How about a beer?
- Higgins: A formal complaint has been lodged with me, regarding both unbecoming behaviour and violations of the club's dress code.
- Magnum: C'mon, Higgins, I'm clean. I'm on the beach.
- Higgins: It's interesting how the guilty party defends himself before being accused.
- Rick: Oh, Thomas is usually accused before there's a complaint. That came out wrong, didn't it?
- Higgins: Apart from your aggressively offensive attire, there's a much more serious matter. That obviously well-bred young lady over there has complained that you've been leering at her.
- Magnum: What? Where?
- [Magnum and TC look at Jenny]
- Theodore 'TC' Calvin: TM, you've been giving the radar eye to that woman? Man, you got to be crazy. That chick is instant frostbite.
- Magnum: That girl? Honest, I never even noticed her, Higgins.
- Higgins: Methinks he doth protest too much.
- Magnum: Oh, for... look, there is a simple, very practical, easy way to end this all. I will just go over and apologize for anything she thought may have happened. OK? Everybody happy?
- [Higgins nods. Magnum stands and approaches Jenny]
- Magnum: Excuse me.
- [Jenny raises her eyes from the book]
- Magnum: That gentleman over there, Higgins, he says I somehow offended you by staring, which I wasn't, really, but now that I'm here and I met you, I really wish I have been. You're quite lovely.
- Jennifer: [coldly] Thank you for your courtesy and the compliment.
- [Jenny returns reading her book]
- Magnum: My name's Thomas Magnum.
- Jennifer: [indifferently] Oh.
- Magnum: [takes a seat] Listen, um, if you're new here, I thought that maybe I could, um, give you a tour of the club, like to introduce you to some people, really make you feel at home.
- Jennifer: That's very thoughtful, but I'm quite comfortable already. Would you excuse me?
- Magnum: [nods] Right. It was swell talking to you.
- [Magnum leaves]