The Larry Sanders Show (TV Series)

Roseanne's Return (1995)

Wallace Langham: Phil

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hank Kingsley : Phil, could you... could you do me a favor? You know that joke I've been doing in the uh... in the warmup?

  Phil : The one about Clinton inhaling?

  Hank Kingsley : For some reason and maybe it's me but it's just not getting that waaah laugh it used to. Can you toss me a new line?

  Phil : Ok. You could say that you live on Rockingham, just a knife's throw from O.J.'s house.

  Hank Kingsley : Uh... no, I don't think I could do that one. That, that implies O.J. is guilty.

  Phil : Huh huh.

  Hank Kingsley : I don't think he is.

  Phil : Please Hank, don't tell me you're one of those.

  Hank Kingsley : Hey, I have met this man, he's always been nice to me. He is a... he's a great guest, he's a good neighbor, always kept his lone up.

  Phil : That's nice but what about all the evidence? What about the blood?

  Hank Kingsley : Oh hey I'm sure if you look at all my underwear you'd find some blood there too.

  Phil : They found blood on his socks!

  Hank Kingsley : Yeah, well... I'm gonna go out and murder someone without my shoes on.

  Phil : C'mon, c'mon. They found blood on his Bronco, they found blood in his house, they found a bloody glove on his property, how do you explain all of that?

  Hank Kingsley : He's always been nice to me.

  Phil : I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you.

  Hank Kingsley : What?

  Phil : I am freaking out.

• Hank Kingsley : You little prick! You little... prick! You did it! You egged my car!

  Phil : What are you talking about?

  Hank Kingsley : What I am talking... my Bentley is covered with eggs!

  Phil : Why would you think I did that?

  Hank Kingsley : Wh...

  [pointing to Phil's table] 

  Hank Kingsley : Look at this.

  Phil : Those things in the egg carton, those are eggs.

  Hank Kingsley : Yes, those are eggs, Phil.

  Phil : I need protein, I like eggs, what's weird about that?

  Hank Kingsley : You have dried egg on your shoe. Where were you this morning?

  Phil : McDonalds with a friend. Hey listen, Hank, if I egged your car would I be dumb enough to have dried egg on my shoe?

  Hank Kingsley : There's egg shells on the table, there's egg shells on the floor... you have uh...

  Phil : Yolk.

  Hank Kingsley : YOLK... on your fingers!

  Phil : Ok, calm down. Listen, you're honestly very upset, okay? I don't know, maybe it was a drug deal gone bad that led to this horrible egging. But I have to assure you Hank, that I'm 100% not guilty.

  Hank Kingsley : Oh... I get it. I get it. Okay, that's clever, it's very good. O.J., right? Ok, you say you didn't do it?

  Hank Kingsley : I didn't do it.

  Phil : Fine. And I believe you didn't do it. Until you're proven guilty in a court of law.

  Hank Kingsley : Fuck you, Hank, of course I did it.

  Phil : [kicking the door]  Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! You clean it up or I'm gonna tell Artie.