- Lt. Theo Kojak: [to Crocker] Hey look, I know you haven't slept in a couple of nights, okay, but you stick with it. We gotta get this jellybean off the streets before he empties them.
- Detective 'Chic' Chiccaloni: Tell me about this man that threatened you.
- Eloise: Oh, he didn't threaten me, Eric just over-reacted.
- Eric: No, he threatened! I heard. That was a bona fide death threat!
- Eloise: Well you could say he technically threatened me, but actually, he's a very gentle man. A vegetarian.
- Eric: You're too trusting, Eloise. she's too trusting. A vegetarian, okay, but so is a gorilla!
- Eric: I can't call Eloise off a massage. A massage is like music, you know? You get it going, you gotta keep it going.
- Detective 'Chic' Chiccaloni: You keep it going while I talk to her, okay?
- Lt. Theo Kojak: Do you know your blood type?
- Ted Strong: Yeah. Type O.
- Lt. Theo Kojak: Type O, that's a nice color.
- Det. Cahan: Mr. Deerfield, you give pens away for promotion, don't you?
- Deerfield: [quite tipsy] Only a few. Just had two dozen made up for my closest and dearest friends and business associates. Would you, would y- Would you want one?
- Lt. Theo Kojak: You know, any man that can put so much violence and sex into a piece of stone, he doesn't have to violate flesh. He gets his kicks with his hammer and chisel.
- Capt. Frank McNeil: The Commissioner's gonna violate you with a hammer and chisel if we don't tie a can on this.
- Lt. Theo Kojak: [the Excalibur killer has been caught, but Kojak thinks he's a phoney] Oh, you didn't see him, Mac. He looked like yesterday's newspaper puy in a garbage can and thrown away. The only way a guy like that can get into a singles bar is with a cannon.