Frasier (TV Series)

The Fight Before Christmas (1999)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Quotes 

• Frasier : Have you been baking?

  Gil Chesterson : I have. Gingerbread men.

  Frasier : Oh my, don't they look... muscular.

  Gil Chesterson : Yes well, my wife and I made a New Year's Resolution: Deb and I have joined a gym to slim down and buff up. We needed these to inspire us.

  Frasier : Ah yes, there's nothing to straighten a dieter's resolve like a good motivational pastry.

• Frasier : Well you know, Niles, if you want my advice...

  Niles : Ooh, you know, you really need to stop saying that.

• Frasier : Well, if you want my advice...

  [off seeing Niles's glare] 

  Frasier : You know where to find me.

• Frasier : I've invited the entire building -- even Cam Winston.

  Martin Crane : Oh!

  Frasier : In the spirit of Christmas, I've decided to put an end to our feud.

  Roz : What are you feuding about?

  Martin Crane : Oh, he parks his SUV right next to Frasier's Beemer.

  Frasier : Yes well, that car is grotesquely oversized! I've often been forced to exit from the passenger's side. Many a time, I've been brought to grief on my gear shift.

  Roz : [Frasier exits] 

  [to Martin] 

  Roz : Why doesn't he just back in?

  Martin Crane : Are you kidding? He can barely hit that space even when the guy's car isn't there.

• Niles : Frasier, I brought those caroling books you asked for.

  Frasier : Thank you so much. Yes, here we are. The First Songs From A Victorian Christmas and Elizabethan Tidings of Joy. Now we're ready to party! Niles, what do you think? Should we start with the caroling or should we hold off until we've played a spirited game of The Minister's Cat?

• Roz : I can't stay, I just stopped by to drop off your punch bowl.

  Frasier : Well, thank you, Roz. Say, what kind of punch did you serve?

  Roz : Well, first I filled it with ice. Then I just poured orange juice and vodka over it.

  Frasier : Well, Roz, that's just a giant Screwdriver.

  Roz : Yeah, so? What am I, Martha Stewart?

• Kenny : Hey, Doc. Merry Christmas.

  Frasier : Hi, Kenny. My, the station has certainly outdone itself this year with the "Christmas in Mexico" theme.

  Kenny : It was my idea. It hit me when I realized their sauces are red and green.

  Frasier : Well, that's why you're the boss.

• [about the pathetic attendance at his Christmas party] 

  Frasier : People will go almost anywhere for free food and booze. Am I really so insufferable?