Fawlty Towers (TV Series)

The Hotel Inspectors (1975)

Bernard Cribbins: Mr. Hutchinson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mr. Hutchinson : Now listen, there's a documentary on BBC2 this evening about "Squawking Bird", the leader of the Blackfoot Indians in the late 1860s. Now this starts at 8:45 and goes on for approximately three-quarters of an hour.

  Basil Fawlty : I'm sorry, are you talking to me?

  Mr. Hutchinson : Indeed I am. Yes, now, is it possible for me to reserve the BBC2 channel for the duration of this televisual feast?

  Basil Fawlty : Why don't you talk properly?

• Mr. Hutchinson : Yeah, well, I thought it said Boff.

  Basil Fawlty : Of course.

  Mr. Hutchinson : Yes, and I thought that Boff was a locale, you see, a name of a district, you see, 'cause that 'P' looks like a 'B.'

  Basil Fawlty : No, it doesn't.

  Mr. Hutchinson : Yes, it does. The little loop on the bottom of it...

  Basil Fawlty : [snatching the diagram and showing it to Walt]  Excuse me - would you say that was a 'P' or a 'B'?

  Mr. Walt : Er...

  Basil Fawlty : There, does it say Boff or does it say Poff?

  Mr. Walt : Well, I...

  Basil Fawlty : There, there! It's a 'P', isn't it?

  Mr. Walt : [unwillingly]  I suppose so.

  Basil Fawlty : P. Off.

  Mr. Walt : I beg your pardon?

  Basil Fawlty : P off! not B. off. Whoever heard of a Bost office?

• [Basil, after finding out about Mr. Hutchinson's real job] 

  Basil Fawlty : [softly]  Spoons, hey?

  Mr. Hutchinson : What?

  Basil Fawlty : SSPTHOONS!

• Mr. Hutchinson : How do you do?

  Polly : How do you do?

  Mr. Hutchinson : Wait a minute a minute, we've met before, I think.

  Polly : Yes, I served you at breakfast.

  Mr. Hutchinson : Oh, yes, and you spilled the grapefruit juice, didn't you, you naughty girl?

  Polly : And you moved the glass, didn't you?

• Sybil Fawlty : Is there something wrong?

  Mr. Hutchinson : Yes, there is, yes... I have been given an erroneous dish.

• Basil Fawlty : [after enough of Mr. Hutchinson complaining]  You want to run the place?

  Mr. Hutchinson : No, no, I...

  Basil Fawlty : Right, well, shut up then.

  Mr. Hutchinson : I beg your pardon?

• Mr. Hutchinson : [looking at a map drawn by Basil]  I don't quite understand this, where is the post office?

  Basil Fawlty : It's there where it says "post office". I'm sorry if it's confusing.

• Mr. Hutchinson : [complaining to Basil again]  I mean, all I wanted was a cheese salad. It wasn't as though I'd order an elephant's ear on a bun, was it!

• Mr. Hutchinson : I assume that all the vegetables within the omelette are fresh?

  Basil Fawlty : Oh, yes, yes.

  Mr. Hutchinson : Including the peas?

  Basil Fawlty : Oh, yes, they're fresh all right.

  Mr. Hutchinson : They're not frozen, are they?

  Basil Fawlty : Well, they're frozen, yes.

  Mr. Hutchinson : Well, if they're frozen, they're not fresh, are they?

  Basil Fawlty : Well, I assure you they were absolutely fresh when they were frozen.

• Mr. Hutchinson : You told me to shut up!

  Polly : No, no. He told me to shut up.

  Mr. Hutchinson : You ass, he said it to me!

  Basil Fawlty : Uh, no. I was, uh, looking at you, but I was talking to Polly. Wasn't I, Polly?

  Polly : Oh yes.

  Basil Fawlty : Uh, did you notice then, that I was looking at you but talking to her?

  Mr. Hutchinson : What?

  Polly : You see, he was looking at you, but talking to me. Wasn't he?

  Basil Fawlty : Wasn't I?

• Basil Fawlty : I understand you're in the spoon trade.

  Mr. Hutchinson : Oh, yes.

  Basil Fawlty : Oh, fascinating, fascinating. How... how absorbing for you. So much more interesting than being a hotel inspector!

• Mr. Hutchinson : And, if anybody wants me, I'll be in the lounge.

  Basil Fawlty : If anybody wants you?

  Mr. Hutchinson : I'll be in the lounge.

  Basil Fawlty : Anyone in particular? I mean, Henry Kissinger? Or just anyone with a big net?

• Mr. Hutchinson : I would just like to say... I was trying to say, this hotel is extremely inefficient and badly run, and you are a very rude and discourteous man, Mr. Fawlty.

  [Basil starts laughing] 

  Mr. Hutchinson : Did I say something funny, Mr. Fawlty?

  Basil Fawlty : Well, sort of pithy, I suppose.

  Mr. Hutchinson : Pithy? Oh, really? Well, here's the punch line.

  [Mr. Hutchinson hits Basil] 

  Mr. Hutchinson : Now, I'm going to fetch my belongings, and I do not expect to receive a bill.

  Sybil Fawlty : You've handled that then, have you, Basil?

  Basil Fawlty : Yes, dear, thank you. Leave it to me.

• Polly : [taking Mr. Hutchinson's order]  A Spanish omelet.

  Mr. Hutchinson : Yes, and all on the plate, please, not on the tablecloth.

  Polly : Excuse me, you're not by any chance the Duke of Kent, are you?

  Mr. Hutchinson : No, no, no, you've got the wrong person there.